Several years ago I was invited to speak to a couple dozen psychology students at The Ohio State University. They were working on their MBAs so as you might imagine it was a group of very bright young people. No doubt they had far more insight into psychology than I possessed but I did have something they didn’t, something they could all learn from – a lot of real-world business experience.As I shared the psychology of persuasion and its application to the business world, we got off on a tangent when we came to the principle of liking. This psychological concept simply alerts us to the reality that it’s easier for us to say yes to those we know and like. Think about it for a moment – there are many things you’d willingly do if asked by a friend that you’d never do for a stranger. So, make more friends and more people will be willing to help you when you need it.
At one point someone asked, “What if you hate someone you work with?” I replied, “Hate is a very strong word and I can honestly say I don’t hate anyone I work with.” Then he rephrased his question, “Okay, what if you really dislike them?” I responded, “I don’t really dislike anyone I work with either.” I went on to explain why that was the case and I’d like to share my thoughts with you in this post because it might just make your life a lot happier and less stressful.Learning about the liking principle coupled with more than 25 years in business has taught me this – how much I like someone depends far more on me than it does on the other person. That’s because I can make simple choices that will not only get them to like mea little more, but will get me to like themmore at the same time!A couple of ways to trigger liking are to offer up genuine compliments and look for things we have in common. Let’s start with compliments. I firmly believe there’s good in every person. If we look for the good we’ll find it, and it will get easier and easier to keep finding more good things. Unfortunately all too often we look for the negative and that’s also easy to find. It’s a choice so which will you look for?Abraham Lincoln said, “Everybody likes a compliment.” When we do find something good and tell the other person, they feel good and begin to associate those good feelings with us. In other words, they start to like us a bit more. But here’s the interesting thing – that same approach is working on us too! When you look for something worthy of a compliment in another person and tell them, you begin to convince yourself that they’re a good person. The very same factor that causes them to like you makes you like them at the same time.Studies show when it comes to things you have in common with someone else, engage on those things and they’ll come to like you more. That happens because we give a lot of benefit of the doubt to people who root for the same team, were born in the same town, attended the same college, have the same pets, etc. And just as sharing compliments works in reverse, so does this approach. In other words, when you find someone who roots for your team, went to your college, has the same pet, etc., you come to like them more!I shared this with the psychology group and went on to tell them what I’d come to realize during my career was how much I like the people I work with depends more on me than it does them. That’s because I can continually make choices to offer sincere compliments and look for things we have in common. As I do this, I come to like them more. It doesn’t turn everyone in a best friend and it doesn’t mean I’ll come in early for coffee or go have beers after work with them all, but I can enjoy them while I’m with them.I’d venture to guess if you think about people who don’t enjoy life and the people who are a part of their life you’ll probably think of people who are not very outgoing, who don’t look for the best in others and are probably fairly negative.Here’s my two-fold challenge for you this week: 1. Make a concerted effort to look for things you have in common with other people AND then talk about those things with them.2. Choose to look for things you can genuinely compliment in other people AND then offer up a sincere compliment.I guarantee if you make this “the way you do life” you’ll have an abundance of friends, people who like you and people that you like in return. Do this and you’ll be able to say as I did years ago, “I can honestly say I don’t hate, or really dislike, anyone I work with.”
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”. Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.