I had in interesting Facebook exchange not long ago. Someone posted a picture of an attractive young woman wearing a t-shirt that had the following message on the front, “To be old and wise you must first be young and stupid.” To be honest I didn’t pay attention to the rest of the post, which read, “Reinvent yourself with enhanced awareness, renew yourself with enhanced tolerance and regenerate yourself with enhanced wisdom.”Focused on the picture and the saying imprinted on it I light-heartedly commented, “But if you’re too stupid when you’re young you may not live long enough to become old and wise. : ) ”My Facebook friend replied, “@Brian: You mean ONLY stupid people die young?? Just to refocus your observation on the quote which is my thought – it is not on the t-shirt.”I replied one last time to let him know I didn’t think only stupid people die young. Of course, the more stupid things you do, the more risk you run of harming yourself, but even people who make good decisions experience bad things. This week’s post isn’t about Facebook or the stupid things young people sometimes do. What stood out to me after the exchange was the following communication problem that’s all too common – the message was incongruent.You see, the picture of the attractive lady stood out and in my mind the message on her t-shirt had nothing to do with my friend’s quote, which was what he really wanted to convey to readers. Again, his quote was, “Reinvent yourself with enhanced awareness, renew yourself with enhanced tolerance and regenerate yourself with enhanced wisdom.” If there was a connection, then how many others missed it too?When you’re trying to communicate with someone, perhaps even trying to persuade him or her, you’d better be sure every part of your message is congruent. For example, if I conduct a sales training session for business professionals I’d be foolish to not dress in a suit and tie or sports coat at a minimum. If I went to a training session dressed as I do on the weekends my appearance will detract from my message. People have expectations about how a sales trainer will dress just like you probably have ideas about how a minister should look at a wedding or a lawyer in a courtroom. When there’s a mismatch people can lose focus and the last thing you want is someone focused on how you look rather than your message.We also have expectations for the environments we find ourselves in. We don’t act the same in church as we do at work, a bar, or in a college classroom. We conduct ourselves differently in each place and acting like you’re talking in church to a room full of college students will lose them faster than they can update Twitter.When you want to communicate a message make sure everything has a purpose and that every part of the message builds to your main point. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say after a training session, “It was pretty good but he kept going off on these tangents that had nothing to do with the workshop.” If you have stories to share, make sure they add to the message and don’t detract from it.Practice helps and perfect practice makes perfect. Do you ever ask someone for feedback on a presentation before you give it? Running through your presentation with another, as you would if your audience were right there, will help you in multiple ways. One big way is to make sure the person sees how everything ties together. If you have to stop and make the connections for them then you might want to rethink your approach.The same can be said of writing. Have someone proof read your articles and blogFree webinar! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world. posts. Have them challenge you and if something doesn’t make sense, ask yourself if there’s a better way to convey the message. Again, if you have to take extra time to explain what you mean then that should be a signal that other readers might not get your point either.Communicating a message is like traveling to a destination. Usually the shortest, most direct route is best. If you want to get there in a hurry then limit your excursions and make sure everything is working together like a well-oiled machine. The extra time and effort will be worth it when people go, “Ah, I get it.”
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”. Free webinar! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.