This month the “Influencers from Around the World” post comes all the way from South Korea thanks to Hoh Kim. Hoh and I met in Arizona early 2008 when we went through training together to earn our Cialdini Method Certified Trainer designations. To learn more about Hoh visit his website, The Lab h, and his blog, Cool Communications. You can also find Hoh on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.One Great Question to Ask: Lessons from Marshall Goldsmith and Patrick LencioniHow you communicate your weaknesses can define whether you’re trustworthy or not, according to Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the world’s foremost expert on the science of influence. Without trustworthiness, we cannot have true authority in the eyes of others. Many leadership experts also express a similar concept.Everyone talks about the importance of trust. But, do we know how to act to build trust as a leader? Patrick Lencioni, the author of The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, shared some excellent insight. According to Lencioni, when we use the word “trust,” it normally means “predictable trust.” For example; I know one of my team members will do a good job, as she or he has been a good performer in the past. However, Lencioni suggested that leaders should practice what he called “vulnerability-based trust.” Leaders cannot be strong in every aspect, which means they also have weaknesses. Leaders should first know what their weaknesses are, and they should feel comfortable disclosing them to their team. Leaders shouldn’t be defensive. Instead Lencioni wrote, “In essence, teammates must get comfortable being vulnerable with one another.”Everyone talks about the importance of feedback in developing people. However, Marshall Goldsmith, one of the noted experts in leadership development, emphasized the importance of “feedforward.” Feedback is about your behavior in the past and feedforward is about suggestions for the future behavior. Feedback is in the rear view mirror, while feedforward is looking into the windshield. To drive your car you have to pay attention to windshield, what lay ahead, not the rear view mirror, which only shows what is behind.We all have areas of improvement in our workplace. If you could choose one area for improvement over the next year, what will it be? Better listening? Faster decision-making? Better emotional management? Whatever it is, acknowledge your weaknesses to your team members. You won’t be seen as a loser. If you stay in your weaknesses you might be viewed as a loser but when you acknowledge a weakness candidly, and ask for feedforward from your members and colleagues, you will be seen as a more trustworthy individual. When you acknowledge weaknesses and ask for feedforward you make a public commitment to improve. By utilizing the principle of consistency, one of the Dr. Cialdini’s six principles of influence, you will have a better chance to actually experiencing progress.How do you ask for feedforward? Take the Marshall Goldsmith’s advice and simply say, “I want to be better at (listening, for example). How can I be a better listener?” If your colleagues suggest something, don’t defend yourself, just respond with a sincere, “Thank you.” As we approach the end of 2014, it is a good idea to practice feedforward with you wife, husband, or significant others. Do you want to be a better spouse? Let me share one of my secrets to be a better spouse. Once a year I ask to my wife, “Honey, how can I be a better husband? What can I do better to be a better husband?” So far, my wife has never asked me to buy her things like a diamond ring or luxury clothing or high-end handbags. She just loves to be asked.
Hoh Kim, CMCT® Founder, Head Coach & Lead Facilitator, THE LAB h www.THELABh.com