Several weeks ago I wrote a blog post on the correct ways to respond to “Thanks.” Much to my surprise and delight it struck a chord with readers. As I was watching television after a Sunday of football, a 60 Minutes piece caught my attention so I decided to write about the importance of saying, “Thank you.”In the 60 Minutes segment, Anderson Cooper interviewed Marcus Luttrell, the author of Lone Survivor, the account of four Navy Seals who were ambushed during a recon mission in Afghanistan. Luttrell was the lone survivor on that fateful day in 2005.Cooper also interviewed retired Vice Admiral Joe McGuire. According to the Vice Admiral one of Luttrell’s comrades, Lieutenant Mike Murphy, placed a call for help after he and his three fellow Seals had been shot. Murphy had to expose himself on a rock to place the call even though he knew he’d likely be killed in such a vulnerable location.He made the call and said, “We could really use your help.” He was told by command, “Help is on the way.” Then Vice Admiral McGuire said he admired Murphy because, having been shot and knowing he’d probably die radioing for help, he finished the call by saying, “Thank you.” The Vice Admiral said of Murphy, “That’s just the kind of man he was.” Did you catch that? He actually took time to say “Thank you” in the middle of a firefight knowing he might die!As I noted in the post several weeks ago, how you respond to “thank you” can make a big difference in your ability to persuade others. On the flip side, expressing gratitude, saying “thank you”, is every bit as important. If Lieutenant Murphy could find the time to remember to say, “Thanks,” then who are we not to?Giving thanks taps into reciprocity, the principle that tells us people feel obligated to do something for those who’ve done something for them. “Thank you” is one of the first phrases we learned when mom and dad taught us that thanking others was the right thing to do after someone had done something for us.Unfortunately showing gratitude – good manners – seems to be slipping these days. I think that because of the responses I get from others when I say, “Yes, thank you,” or “No, thanks.” Quite often I’m thanked in return because politeness stands out today. While that might be a sad commentary, the good news for you is your “Thanks” will stand out in a positive way.I remember many years ago “stopping the presses” to help someone accomplish something that was very important to them. It involved several people on my end and was a disruption in normal processing but we got it done. What stayed with me all these years was the fact that the person we helped never said thanks or acknowledged we went out of our way to help even though we didn’t have to.I realize I don’t work for thanks and that I’m expected to do my job but our company has a culture in which associates recognize extra effort with sincere appreciation. I knew in my heart if that person ever wanted my help again I’d do what was asked but the effort would not be the same as it would for others who genuinely appreciated past efforts.When you recognize people and their effort it helps build relationships and it’s a proven fact that people prefer to say, “Yes” to those they know and like. That’s the principle of liking.So here is some simple persuasion advice. When people have done something you genuinely appreciate, let them know. “Thanks” and “Thank you” go a long way but I’d encourage you to go a bit further. Thank the other person and, if warranted, tag it with a bit more. “Thanks, I really appreciate what you did.”“Thank you. It means a lot to me that you’d…”“You have been so helpful. Thanks a lot!”Each of these takes just a moment of reflection and a couple of extra seconds. Lieutenant Murphy found the time during the fight of his life; can you? Even if you’re dealing with someone you might not see again at a minimum you might just brighten his or her day. If you’re dealing with someone you interact with regularly, an approach like I’ve described can go a long way toward building a stronger, more productive relationship and that will make future attempts at persuasion much easier.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
Persuasion Advice from the Wizard of Oz
Sometimes it feels good to revisit our childhood. I had that experience the day after Thanksgiving as I watched “The Wizard of Oz” again. I did so because I enjoy the movie and the memories it brings back. I also felt like I might learn something from the great and powerful Oz. I wasn’t disappointed!Dorothy and her friends – the Tin Man, the Cowardly Lion and the Scarecrow – make their way to the Land of Oz because they all need something from the Wizard. The Tin Man wants a heart, the Cowardly Lion is looking for courage and the Scarecrow is hoping to get a brain.When it comes to persuasion we’ll focus on the Scarecrow. The Wizard tells him all he really needs is a diploma. Once the Scarecrow has it in hand all of a sudden he believes he’s smart. See for yourself in the YouTube video clip below.Now we all know someone handing you a diploma doesn’t make you smart anymore than wearing a black belt to work makes you a martial arts master. Even earning both of those prestigious things – a college diploma or a black belt in some martial art – doesn’t certify you as a genius or the next Bruce Lee. However, each does make you better off. I can only assume someone who earned a college degree is more intelligent for having gone through the four-year process. As a result of their hard work and earning a diploma they’re more likely to land a good job and enjoy success as compared to those who don’t have a college degree. Likewise, people who’ve earned a black belt should be much more capable of defending themselves should the need arise. But there’s another benefit. Having a diploma, black belt or some other certification can make you more persuasive. And the more difficult or rare your certification, the more impressive (i.e., persuasive) it is. That’s the principle of authority in operation. For example, did you know in 2005 more than 85% of United States citizens had a high school diploma but only 22% had a bachelor’s degree? Of course, getting a degree from a prestigious university will carry more weight than a more run of the mill school. After all, if you hear someone has a degree from Harvard or Yale you’re impressed, aren’t you? The exclusivity of a degree from a prestigious school is the principle of scarcity at work. And the more education you pursue (MBA, doctorate, etc.) the more impact it has.When it comes to a martial arts black belt there are no official population stats. Having taken taekwondo for many years I can tell you very few people get involved in the martial arts and the vast majority don’t put in the years it requires to earn a black belt. When you hear people have earned a second degree, third degree or more, you know they’ve been practicing their craft for many, many years. The more degrees, the more impressive from an authority and scarcity standpoint.So when people know you’re a college graduate, especially from a prestigious university, that gives you more credibility but a key is that people know what your credentials are before you attempt to persuade them. This is why speakers should always have a bio prepared for a third party to introduce them before they present.The same effect can be had prior to important meetings with a newer client. Having a bio prepared for someone (an associate of the person you’ll meet, your boss, a mutual friend, etc.) to send via email on your behalf gets your credibility established before the meeting.Here’s a powerful tip – you write the bio or email. That’s right, you write the bio or email then give it to the third party and tell them they can wordsmith it so it sounds like them. Never, ever, ever leave it up to the other person to write this on your behalf because they don’t know all you’ve done and accomplished. As you write the email it may feel like you’re bragging but it will sound perfectly natural coming from the other person.Another area you want to make sure is current is LinkedIn. Does your LinkedIn profile show your degree? How about your awards and certificates? Do you mention any in your summary? LinkedIn is your online resume and people are checking it out so make sure it’s the best reflection possible of you and your accomplishments.So here’s your take away. Work hard, do the things most people aren’t willing to do, and see them through to completion. Once you’ve done that and earned your diploma, certificate, award or some other acknowledgement of your accomplishment, make sure people know about it before you try to persuade. It’s a small thing but it can make a big difference when it comes to persuasion.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence OfficerinfluencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
Cooperation and Competition in Intercultural Interactions
Are team players more cooperative when they can relate to their teammates?
New research conducted by Drs. David Matsumoto and Hyi Sung Hwang now relates the behavioral ability to cooperatively interact with people to cultural differences between the players.
In this study, US born Americans played a modified Prisoner’s Dilemma game in same sex dyads in one of three conditions: with another American (Control), with an international student (Intercultural Condition), or with another American but under stressful conditions (Stress Condition).
Drs. Matsumoto and Hwang hypothesized that the Intercultural Condition would produce less cooperation and less positive behavioral outcomes than the Control Condition and that these behavioral differences would be linked to cultural differences in the dyad.
As predicted the Intercultural Condition produced less cooperation and more competition than the Control Condition and those behavioral differences were linked to cultural differences in the dyad.
Dr. Hyi Sung Hwang stated that, “The study showed that intercultural dyads (subjects from different countries; Americans vs. non-Americans) tended to be less cooperative and more competitive than the dyads of subjects from same countries (i.e., all Americans) when playing Prisoner’s Dilemma. This study was the first to link such behavioral outcomes with actual cultural differences between the interactants. This finding is significant because it shows how difficult intercultural interactions can be without even one’s awareness of it.”
The studies’ findings show that intercultural interactions are difficult and potentially costly, especially among strangers, which is important for many to recognize.
Identifying the specific source of the differences can help practitioners to target those variables in order to avoid unnecessary conflict and to facilitate cooperation and harmony in intercultural interactions. This should be true in health-care interactions, negotiations, and business settings alike.
To improve your cultural interaction skill-set try Humintell’s IntelliCulture and package deals.
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