I have some persuasive advice for you – Bite your lip and stay silent for a while. Normally when I talk about persuasion I offer up ways to proactively connect on the six principles of influence. But sometimes silence is golden because quite often less is more. Allow me to ask you a few questions to drive home why this is the case.When will people appreciate your advice most? When they ask for it. When do people appreciate your “gifts” most? When they want them. So why do we keep offering advice and giving gifts to people before they ask?There is a time and place for offering up help, sharing advice and giving gifts. Initiating on each of these engages the principle of reciprocity because quite often the other person will feel some obligation to give back to you. However, there are times when they’ll appreciate what you have to offer even more. That time is when they seek you out and ask for it. I’ve noticed this much more as of late at work and home. Since my daughter Abigail was a toddler I’ve always made it a priority to spend time with her. For many years it was a father-daughter group through the YMCA known as Indian Princess. Next it was taekwondo for about five years. More recently it’s been time every weekend at coffee shops. I was the initiator with all of these.When we stopped going to taekwondo it was a combination of her losing interesting plus being busy with high school and an after school job. A while ago she approached me about starting back up with taekwondo. Initially I said no because of my training-related travel, her work schedule and I just didn’t think she’d be dedicated enough to make it several times a week. More time passed and I still resisted which made her want it even more. That’s scarcity in action because the less available something is the more we tend to want it.I finally relented and told her when summer rolls around and she’s on break and my travel lightens up that we’ll join taekwondo for the summer to see how it goes. Do you think she’ll be more into it and appreciate it more because she had to wait and pursue me on it? You bet!Another example happened recently. Abigail shared a string of texts she had with a boy. I had some strong opinions about the “conversation” as I listened but I didn’t offer up any thoughts. I kept reminding myself she’s an adult (she turned 18 years old in December) and can handle herself. Finally she asked my opinion but I didn’t say anything so she asked again. She could see I was thinking and was curious. I knew at that point she’d value what I had to say far more than if I just offered up my opinion unprompted.I’ve also noticed the same phenomenon at work. Over the years I’ve established expertise in several areas but I try to hold back until someone wants what I have. This goes for my training, coaching and consulting. When someone seeks me out, they’ll value what I can offer much more. Here are a few keys to help make this approach more effective.1. Establish your expertise and trustworthiness. Both of these elements will add to your authority and make people rely on your wisdom even more. If you don’t have expertise, at least in business, there’s no real reason people will seek you out. On the flip side, if you’re not trustworthy then it won’t matter how smart you are. You need both!2. Start by giving. Even if you have expertise people may be unaware of that fact. When you start by giving, you show what you’re capable of and engage reciprocity. Doing this helps establish a relationship which will make others feel more comfortable approaching you down the road.3. Withhold a little bit. As noted earlier, people want more of what they can have less of. That’s scarcity. If you constantly offer up advice without being asked or make yourself available 24×7 then you’re missing the chance to leverage scarcity.So next time you’re tempted to jump in with your two cents, bite your lip and remember, quite often, less is more. Give it a try and let me know what you notice about others’ response to you.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.
5 Cues to Consider When Trying to Influence Someone’s Habits
I recently watched a very interesting interview with Charles Duhigg, the author of The Power of Habit. I read the book several years ago and was fascinated by the subject matter and scientific research Duhigg shared throughout the book. Watching his interview renewed my interest in the subject and started me thinking about how habits and influence intersect.I’ve personally seen how forming good habits can be extremely beneficial. As a teenager I got in the habit of working out because I wanted to get in shape for football. The habit of weightlifting stayed with me because I enjoyed it and I eventually I added running to my fitness mix. For decades my days have consisted of getting up very early to read, then workout or run. For me that morning habit is as regular as eating breakfast or showering before work. Duhigg would call this a “keystone” habit because it positively affects other things I do. For example; in addition to being a little smarter and more fit, by the time I get to work I feel ready to tackle just about anything because of my morning routine.The great thing about habits is they remove the burden of thinking. That frees us up to devote energy to other items competing for our attention. If you pause for a moment to consider your habits you’ll probably realize almost all of them occur with little or no thought. When habits are good that’s wonderful. However, when habits are poor it can be tough to change them.As a persuader it’s important that you understand this because quite often you’re not looking to persuade someone into a one-time behavioral change. After all, you don’t want to have to persuade your child every day to do their homework do you? If you’re the boss at work you don’t want to have the same conversation over and over to influence an employee to show up on time, do you? Wouldn’t it be great if those behavioral changes took hold and were lasting? It’s my goal to help you learn how to Influence PEOPLE into lasting change.Let’s look at the example of trying to persuade an employee to show up to work on time. You could use every principle of influence in this effort.Liking – Appeal to the relationship you have with them and ask them to do a personal favor for you and start showing up on time.Reciprocity – Leverage something you’ve done for the person in the past by referencing it and asking for their help in return.Consensus – Let them know everyone else makes it to work on time so there’s no reason they shouldn’t also.Authority – While not always advisable, you can reference you’re the boss and this is the expectation. However, beware that playing on your positional authority can cause resentment and that usually doesn’t lead to lasting change.Consistency – After having some conversation about why they’re late so often ask them if they’ll commit to start showing up on time rather than telling them that’s what they need to do.Scarcity – There is probably a downside to continually showing up late – no bonus opportunity, no raise, possibly losing their job – so appealing to this potential loss is certainly an option.In The Power of Habit, Duhigg shares scientific research that every habit has three parts: a cue, the routine and a reward. The cue is the trigger that starts the routine and it’s almost always one of five things:A certain location (some people only smoke in bars)Time of day (morning prompts many to exercise)An emotional state (loneliness causes some to drink)Other people (someone who pushes your buttons)An action that immediately precedes the routine (this could be a song triggering memories).The reward can be many things – pleasure, pain avoidance, feeling better about one’s self, feeling a sense of control, etc. Remember, we all get something out of our habits, even those that appear self-destructive. In some cases your attempts to change someone’s behavior can be very difficult because old habits die hard. In fact, Duhigg suggests, based on research, that you never really get rid of old habits, you only replace or change them. This is why so many smokers gain weight when they try to quit because they replace their smoking routine with eating when their cues trigger them. In the case of the late employee, you know it’s possible for them to get to work on time because the vast majority of people do it every day, even those who might have more hectic and stressful home lives than your chronically late employee. So what are you to do?You can help them identify the triggers that tend to make them late. For some people time is like money – they’ll use up every last penny or every last minute no matter how much extra time or money they may have. So getting up a little earlier may not be the solution. Help the person establish a new cue that will allow them to get to work with at least 10 minutes to spare. That could be another alarm clock going off, the coffee maker brewing a cup of coffee for their drive in or something else that alerts the person it’s time to stop everything and head to the car. If it’s a spouse or kids that are part of the problem then the person needs to let them suffer their own consequences for getting up late, not coming to breakfast on time or whatever else it might be. That won’t be easy but if they don’t do that they’ll forever be a slave to other people’s behavior and they, not the others, will pay the cost.The principles of influence can certainly come into play when you have this conversation with the employee. The conversation turns from “You need to get to work on time” to “How can I help you figure out what you need to do in order to get to work on time?” The more principles you use in that conversation the more success you’re likely to have.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.
Motivation – Intrinsic, Extrinsic, It is All The Same, Right? Wrong…
The question of why people do things or perhaps why they do not has puzzled mankind for centuries. In the recent past psychologists have researched motivation and developed numerous models and theories to help explain why we do things, such as:
Instinct Theory of Motivation
people are motivated to behave in certain ways because they are evolutionary programmed to do so
Incentive Theory of Motivation
people are motivated to do things because of external rewards
Drive Theory of Motivation
people are motivated to take certain actions in order to reduce the internal tension that is caused by unmet needs
Arousal Theory of Motivation
people take certain actions to either decrease or increase levels of arousal
Humanistic Theory of Motivation
people have a strong cognitive reasons to perform various actions
In the Principles of Persuasion Workshop we focus on and teach persuaders it is important to understand the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation.
Intrinsic motivation is when we undertake a behaviour because it is internally rewarding. We undertake the task or behaviour because of who we are, what we think of ourselves, it makes us feel good, or because we want to. It is not done for attainment of any specific external reward.
Extrinsic motivation is when we undertake a behaviour because it is externally rewarding. We undertake the task or behaviour because doing so will earn us a reward or allow us to avoid punishment or loss.
Yeah, okay you say. So what?
Here is the so what. Advertisers and marketers use Scarcity as a means of triggering the extrinsic motivation for you take action. They highlight how much time you have left, that the product is running out or that you are in competition with others so you had better get it quick so you don’t miss out. Yes it is a motivator but is it more powerful than an intrinsic motivator?
Research suggests not. Intrinsic motivation is known to last longer than an extrinsic motivator. People have more initiative when driven to achieve, they are more satisfied and are well…more motivated to see the task or action through to completion.
With extrinsic motivators – once the reward or punishment is gone then usually so to is the desired behaviour. With intrinsic motivation it is not usually person or issue centric – for example, if people volunteer their time to help animals or people less fortunate than themselves, the sense of purpose or satisfaction does not diminish after saving one dog or working on one soup kitchen.
Therefore why do marketing and advertising campaigns use the extrinsic motivator so much more?
In my opinion people who continue to just focus on extrinsic motivators do so because they are lazy. Extrinsic motivators are easier.
You can easily show people what they stand to lose or use market forces to genuinely create Scarcity or the perception of it. The reason it works is because every organism on earth is bound by Scarcity, i.e. if we don’t have enough to live we die – it is an easy trump card to get people to take action.
But it is overdone. Yelling, screaming rug salesmen do not motivate me to go and buy a rug. All they do is lower the price point of rugs because they obviously have 50, 60, 70, 80% mark-up in the rug because every one of them is marking the price down every other week. The frequency and overuse of it is working against them, not for them.
Triggering intrinsic motivation is harder. It takes genuine interaction. It requires the asking of well constructed questions and the willingness to listen. Not just an ability to make statements or tell people what to do. The persuader needs to elicit a commitment from the person in order to trigger the motivation and then this becomes the driver to stay on track.
So the choice is yours – rely on the extrinsic and overuse Scarcity at your own peril. If you want to truly master the art of influence – learn to ask great questions and elicit commitments to trigger the unending power source within – the intrinsic motivator.
Source: Cherry, K Theories of Motivation; A Closer Look at Some Important Theories of Motivation (http://psychology.about.com/od/psychologytopics/tp/theories-of-motivation.htm)
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