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5 Cues to Consider When Trying to Influence Someone’s Habits

I recently watched a very interesting interview with Charles Duhigg, the author of The Power of Habit. I read the book several years ago and was fascinated by the subject matter and scientific research Duhigg shared throughout the book. Watching his interview renewed my interest in the subject and started me thinking about how habits and influence intersect.I’ve personally seen how forming good habits can be extremely beneficial. As a teenager I got in the habit of working out because I wanted to get in shape for football. The habit of weightlifting stayed with me because I enjoyed it and I eventually I added running to my fitness mix. For decades my days have consisted of getting up very early to read, then workout or run. For me that morning habit is as regular as eating breakfast or showering before work. Duhigg would call this a “keystone” habit because it positively affects other things I do. For example; in addition to being a little smarter and more fit, by the time I get to work I feel ready to tackle just about anything because of my morning routine.The great thing about habits is they remove the burden of thinking. That frees us up to devote energy to other items competing for our attention. If you pause for a moment to consider your habits you’ll probably realize almost all of them occur with little or no thought. When habits are good that’s wonderful. However, when habits are poor it can be tough to change them.As a persuader it’s important that you understand this because quite often you’re not looking to persuade someone into a one-time behavioral change. After all, you don’t want to have to persuade your child every day to do their homework do you? If you’re the boss at work you don’t want to have the same conversation over and over to influence an employee to show up on time, do you? Wouldn’t it be great if those behavioral changes took hold and were lasting? It’s my goal to help you learn how to Influence PEOPLE into lasting change.Let’s look at the example of trying to persuade an employee to show up to work on time. You could use every principle of influence in this effort.Liking – Appeal to the relationship you have with them and ask them to do a personal favor for you and start showing up on time.Reciprocity – Leverage something you’ve done for the person in the past by referencing it and asking for their help in return.Consensus – Let them know everyone else makes it to work on time so there’s no reason they shouldn’t also.Authority – While not always advisable, you can reference you’re the boss and this is the expectation. However, beware that playing on your positional authority can cause resentment and that usually doesn’t lead to lasting change.Consistency – After having some conversation about why they’re late so often ask them if they’ll commit to start showing up on time rather than telling them that’s what they need to do.Scarcity – There is probably a downside to continually showing up late – no bonus opportunity, no raise, possibly losing their job – so appealing to this potential loss is certainly an option.In The Power of Habit, Duhigg shares scientific research that every habit has three parts: a cue, the routine and a reward. The cue is the trigger that starts the routine and it’s almost always one of five things:A certain location (some people only smoke in bars)Time of day (morning prompts many to exercise)An emotional state (loneliness causes some to drink)Other people (someone who pushes your buttons)An action that immediately precedes the routine (this could be a song triggering memories).The reward can be many things – pleasure, pain avoidance, feeling better about one’s self, feeling a sense of control, etc. Remember, we all get something out of our habits, even those that appear self-destructive.  In some cases your attempts to change someone’s behavior can be very difficult because old habits die hard. In fact, Duhigg suggests, based on research, that you never really get rid of old habits, you only replace or change them. This is why so many smokers gain weight when they try to quit because they replace their smoking routine with eating when their cues trigger them. In the case of the late employee, you know it’s possible for them to get to work on time because the vast majority of people do it every day, even those who might have more hectic and stressful home lives than your chronically late employee. So what are you to do?You can help them identify the triggers that tend to make them late. For some people time is like money – they’ll use up every last penny or every last minute no matter how much extra time or money they may have. So getting up a little earlier may not be the solution. Help the person establish a new cue that will allow them to get to work with at least 10 minutes to spare. That could be another alarm clock going off, the coffee maker brewing a cup of coffee for their drive in or something else that alerts the person it’s time to stop everything and head to the car. If it’s a spouse or kids that are part of the problem then the person needs to let them suffer their own consequences for getting up late, not coming to breakfast on time or whatever else it might be. That won’t be easy but if they don’t do that they’ll forever be a slave to other people’s behavior and they, not the others, will pay the cost.The principles of influence can certainly come into play when you have this conversation with the employee. The conversation turns from “You need to get to work on time” to “How can I help you figure out what you need to do in order to get to work on time?” The more principles you use in that conversation the more success you’re likely to have.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world. 

5 Things I Have Learned About Persuasion

Anthony McLean

It probably won’t surprise you to learn that I have been intently interested in people and what makes them tick since I was a small child.  My mother often comments how I was always able to get my chores done without doing them myself; generally at the expense of my younger brother.

Joining the police was as you can imagine a life changing experience but mainly because of the exploration of how and why people do things to each other.  I had the fortunate experience of working in mission critical environments that saw the best and worst of people something that added a whole other facet to my Criminology degree I was studying for at the time.

My journey then took me to the US where I was able to train with Dr Robert Cialdini (the most cited Social Scientist of all time) and you know how that turned out!

Today I provide leaders from organisations of all sizes with scientifically proven strategies to ethically persuade others in their direction.  Below is a breakdown of the 5 things I have learned about persuasion.

Lesson #1 – If You Don’t Ask You Don’t Get

I have always been fascinated by how often potential persuaders talk themselves out of a “YES!” That’s right, more often than not people don’t ever ask the question to get a “No” because they are so convinced that is what they will hear so they never try.  If you ask it is possible you might get a “No” but if you don’t you will certainly not get a “YES!” (except for dumb luck and you can’t build a career/business on that).

Think about it.  We ask people to do things because we want them to say Yes!  All the tools, frameworks and strategies under the sun will not be of any use to you if you don’t ask the question in the first place.

For my upcoming book I set my heights as high as I could regarding those I wanted to interview.  Sure I got a couple of knock backs due to timing but I heard YES! from nearly all I approached because I asked the question.

Key Point:  Ask the question.  Put it out there and see what happens – if they are not already doing what you want what have you got to lose?  But be careful what you ask for just; they might just say surprise you and say YES!

Lesson #2 – Small things really do matter

One thing I was taught in studying for my CMCT designation is that small things make a big difference.  Personally I had experienced this very thing while working at the Homicide Investigation Group.  We were to interview a convicted criminal over a murder we suspected he may have knowledge of.  Simply due to the way we treated him he confessed to multiple murders we didn’t know he had done.  Contrary to many modern day police shows this did not involve any threats; violence or tricks.

We did a small (legal and ethical) favour for him.  We allowed him a small but common courtesy and because we had done this small thing for him (although it was very meaningful for him) it was right he reciprocate and give us something in return; in this case confessions to multiple murders!

Key Point:  Don’t overlook the small things in your persuasive appeals.   It is often the small things that matter most.

Lesson #3 – 3 Critical Steps

In anything, but certainly persuasion there are three key steps.

Pre-persuasion – the preparation and planning phase.  Think about the target of influence, their motivation to say YES! and the strategy that is most likely to work.  Do your research and plan how you intend to move them in your direction.
Execution – this is where you execute the plan and set about influencing the person in your direction.   The best laid plan left unexecuted is just another useless bit of paper!  Once you have finished your plan, set about executing it!  It generally doesn’t get any better with age (unless that is the plan).
Post persuasion – possibly the most overlooked yet critical step is the review/debrief.  The review of the persuasion strategy is critical if you are to learn from the process; further strengthening future endeavours; giving you the language and the knowledge to inform others; standardise the process to learn from mistakes.

Each step is important yet rarely do many execute all three well.

I love it when people say they don’t have time to review their persuasive appeals.  My answer is simple…

“But you obviously have the time to stuff up the next one!”

Key Point:  Make time to plan.  Make time to execute.  Make time to review your efforts and learn for next time.

Lesson #4 – Surround Yourself With The Skills You Do Not Possess

All too often I see people trying to be all things to all people or trying to do everything themselves.  In delivering persuasive appeals it is critical you have the right skills to inform each of the above three critical steps.

Key Point:  If the issue is important enough for you to sweat over it, lay awake at night or just get an elevated heart rate.  Involve other people!  Focus on what you can control and consider what you need to.  For all other aspects surround yourself with a great team of people with relevant and diverse skills and listen to what they have to say.

Lesson #5 – “Them” then “You”

I learned a really long time ago if it was all about me I got very little.  If it was all about the person I was seeking to say YES! I was far more likely to succeed.

It is amazing the amount of emails, marketing copy and even tender responses I am asked to review where it is all about the person or organisation writing the words.  Regardless of whether you are pitching, selling, convincing or negotiating you need to draw the implication for the other person.  This is hard to do if you are always anchoring the content to yourself.  To explain what I mean, if you appear in the sentence before them, i.e. the use of the pronoun “I” or the name of your company, it is about you.  If the pronoun “you”, their name or the name of their company appears first, this is generally a good sign it will be about them.

You will notice in the first paragraph of this point I did not say what is in it for them or use the good old chestnut WIIFM (What’s In It For Me).  The problem I have with WIIFM and how it is taught is that people always focus on the benefits to the other person.  As we know as persuaders people are often more motivated by what they stand to lose rather than what they stand to gain.

Therefore showing your target of influence what is not in it for them if they do not act is a subtlety to WIIFM that is often overlooked.  This is still about them just not in a way we are commonly taught to focus.

Key Point: Focus on the person you are seeking to influence and draw the implication for them – loss or gain.  If the pronoun or your business name comes before theirs – change it and change it now.  It is just habit and one that is counter to your persuasive efforts.

 

This list was never meant to be exhaustive but if you asked me what points of advice I would give my kids, these would feature high on the list!

 

What are some of you greatest lessons you have learned about persuasion?

 

 

 

The post 5 Things I Have Learned About Persuasion appeared first on Social Influence Consulting Group.

The Importance of “Thank You”

Several weeks ago I wrote a blog post on the correct ways to respond to “Thanks.” Much to my surprise and delight it struck a chord with readers. As I was watching television after a Sunday of football, a 60 Minutes piece caught my attention so I decided to write about the importance of saying, “Thank you.”In the 60 Minutes segment, Anderson Cooper interviewed Marcus Luttrell, the author of Lone Survivor, the account of four Navy Seals who were ambushed during a recon mission in Afghanistan. Luttrell was the lone survivor on that fateful day in 2005.Cooper also interviewed retired Vice Admiral Joe McGuire. According to the Vice Admiral one of Luttrell’s comrades, Lieutenant Mike Murphy, placed a call for help after he and his three fellow Seals had been shot. Murphy had to expose himself on a rock to place the call even though he knew he’d likely be killed in such a vulnerable location.He made the call and said, “We could really use your help.” He was told by command, “Help is on the way.” Then Vice Admiral McGuire said he admired Murphy because, having been shot and knowing he’d probably die radioing for help, he finished the call by saying, “Thank you.” The Vice Admiral said of Murphy, “That’s just the kind of man he was.” Did you catch that? He actually took time to say “Thank you” in the middle of a firefight knowing he might die!As I noted in the post several weeks ago, how you respond to “thank you” can make a big difference in your ability to persuade others. On the flip side, expressing gratitude, saying “thank you”, is every bit as important. If Lieutenant Murphy could find the time to remember to say, “Thanks,” then who are we not to?Giving thanks taps into reciprocity, the principle that tells us people feel obligated to do something for those who’ve done something for them. “Thank you” is one of the first phrases we learned when mom and dad taught us that thanking others was the right thing to do after someone had done something for us.Unfortunately showing gratitude – good manners – seems to be slipping these days. I think that because of the responses I get from others when I say, “Yes, thank you,” or “No, thanks.” Quite often I’m thanked in return because politeness stands out today. While that might be a sad commentary, the good news for you is your “Thanks” will stand out in a positive way.I remember many years ago “stopping the presses” to help someone accomplish something that was very important to them. It involved several people on my end and was a disruption in normal processing but we got it done. What stayed with me all these years was the fact that the person we helped never said thanks or acknowledged we went out of our way to help even though we didn’t have to.I realize I don’t work for thanks and that I’m expected to do my job but our company has a culture in which associates recognize extra effort with sincere appreciation. I knew in my heart if that person ever wanted my help again I’d do what was asked but the effort would not be the same as it would for others who genuinely appreciated past efforts.When you recognize people and their effort it helps build relationships and it’s a proven fact that people prefer to say, “Yes” to those they know and like. That’s the principle of liking.So here is some simple persuasion advice. When people have done something you genuinely appreciate, let them know. “Thanks” and “Thank you” go a long way but I’d encourage you to go a bit further. Thank the other person and, if warranted, tag it with a bit more. “Thanks, I really appreciate what you did.”“Thank you. It means a lot to me that you’d…”“You have been so helpful. Thanks a lot!”Each of these takes just a moment of reflection and a couple of extra seconds. Lieutenant Murphy found the time during the fight of his life; can you? Even if you’re dealing with someone you might not see again at a minimum you might just brighten his or her day. If you’re dealing with someone you interact with regularly, an approach like I’ve described can go a long way toward building a stronger, more productive relationship and that will make future attempts at persuasion much easier.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.