I’m sure to spice up your home you have pictures scattered throughout different rooms. We usually display pictures that speak to us or make us feel good in some way. Those who are into art are very aware that the frame a picture sits in can make a huge difference. The right frame can really help a picture come to life.Framing doesn’t just apply to your favorite pictures. In psychology, framing has to do with the context that surrounds an issue or idea. In the same way the right frame can make a picture stand out, proper framing of your ideas can make them stand out and that’s important when you’re trying to persuade others. Not only is framing important, so is reframing. You see, sometimes we need to reframe issues that are presented to us in order to have the best opportunity to make the right decision. Allow me to explain.Not long ago I went to an event with my boss and good friend John. As we chatted he told me that he was invited to a play his niece was going to appear in. The relative who invited him said tickets were only $12 and could be purchased online. John went online to purchase his ticket and was confronted with additional fees that increased the ticket price from $12 to $21. He couldn’t get beyond the fact that just because he was buying it online the cost was 75% more than if he went to the theater and bought the ticket in person. Of course there would be some risk buying the ticket at the theater because the show could be sold out and he would have wasted time and gas money. Nonetheless, he was adamant that he wouldn’t pay an extra $9 (75%) for the ticket.As we discussed this I finally asked him, “If you were told the ticket was $21 would you have bought it?” He said he would because he wanted to see his niece but was just having a hard time with how much the extra fees came to. I suggested he just reframe the whole scenario and look at the price as $21, not $12 plus an additional $9. It’s natural for us to make comparisons like John was doing because seldom do we operate in a vacuum. It’s also natural to rail against the comparison when it’s so large. As I’ve shared before – There’s nothing high or low but comparing makes it so. Think about this – If I offered you $800,000 would you be willing to accept it? I bet you would and I bet you’d be incredibly happy. However, if I give you $2.1 million and you only got to keep $800,000 because of taxes, you might not feel the same as getting $800,000 with no strings attached. In both cases, at the end of the day you’d have $800,000 but in one scenario you’ll have a hard time enjoying your new wealth to the same degree because you’re thinking, “But it was originally $2.1 million.”We face these situations all the time. I travel a lot and spend a good bit of time in airports. Most airlines now charge $25 per bag each way, which means most people pay an extra $50 on top of the ticket price. People detest that because it raises to the surface the pain of paying. Airlines might be wise to either incorporate a smaller fee for all passengers or allow you to pay for bags at the time you purchase your ticket. That way you don’t feel the pain of paying when you get to the ticket counter and the extra fee is an afterthought.On the flip side, if you want people to feel the pain of paying in order to bring about change then you might want to separate the fees so they can clearly see them. An example would be gasoline taxes. Did you know in 2012 the average fuel tax for Americans was 49.5 cents per gallon, for state and national taxes? Sometimes there’s a sign at the pump mentioning the additional taxes but people really just pay attention to the price per gallon. If gas were $3.19 per gallon in your area it would be under $2.70 per gallon without the tax. If you really want to highlight the issue of taxation, tell them they’re paying $2.70 a gallon, but let them see the meter add on 49.5 cents for every gallon; this just might just catch their attention. After all, most stores advertise pre-tax prices.How you frame your presentation depends on what you want to accomplish. By the same token you have the power to reframe anything and sometimes doing so will allow you to feel better about the situation you find yourself in. For John it would be acknowledging the fact he would gladly pay $21 or more to see his niece perform instead of focusing on the $9 fee that increased his ticket price by 75%. In the end he’ll enjoy the play a little more and his niece will be happy that her uncle came to see her perform.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.
I’m Sorry Dr. Mehrabian, I Really Am
I owe Albert Mehrabian, Ph.D., an apology. I suspect a lot of other people do as well. Dr. Mehrabian is a Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA). He garnered widespread attention for his research in the area of non-verbal communication in the 1960s. If you’re in business then it’s very likely you’ve been exposed to his work. Here’s what you might have heard or read: In face-to-face communication only 7% of your message is based on what you say. Your tone of voice accounts for 38% and your body language is 55%. On the phone it’s 13% words and 87% tone of voice.This prompted many people – me included – to place too much importance on tone of voice and body language during communication training. It’s not bad to work on those areas to make your communication more effective. The problem is that it has us putting too much emphasis on tone and body language.It’s amazing how a story told from a speaker platform, mentioned in a book or noted on a blog is simply taken as gospel. After all, that well-respected speaker, author or blogger wouldn’t make such a glaring mistake … would he or she? I certainly did.I’ve come to understand nearly everyone of us has misinterpreted and misapplied Dr. Mehrabian’s work. This came to light a few weeks ago when I wrote about The Importance of Congruent Messages When Persuading. At that time I also saw a social media post from a friend that prompted me to read more about Dr. Mehrabian and his work. Here’s what I found.Dr. Mehrabian’s work very specifically had to do with communicating feelings and attitudes. If subjects felt there was inconsistency between a person’s words and tone or body language then they took more of their cues from the tone and body language. An example would be an apology. Two people can use the very same words and one person might be whole-heartedly believed while the other might not. It’s easy to utter the words but if the apology is not sincere it’s very likely the tone of voice, facial expressions or other body language might convey a different message. You can probably think of a time where someone said the right words but you knew they didn’t mean it because of other cues you picked up on.On the other hand, if you go to a presentation about home ownership you’re probably not assessing – consciously or unconsciously – the believability of the message based on the speaker’s tone of voice or body language. If you contend with anything it will most likely be the facts (words) he or she uses during the presentation. There’s little in the way of attitude or feelings to be assessed in such a fact-based presentation.So now what? By all means, don’t discount tone or body language when communicating because both can enhance your presentation tremendously. As I’ve worked on voice inflection and body language over the years I know my presentation skills have improved significantly. But don’t forget, content is king in most presentations. You don’t want to leave a meeting and have people remember what you wore but not what you said. After all, the reason for a meeting or presentation is to convey ideas so everything you do should enhance the message. Let me conclude by saying I’m sorry, Dr. Mehrabian, I really am. I’ve learned a good lesson and hope you can forgive me. If you could hear me and see me I’m sure you could tell my tone of voice and body language are in line with my apology. My 7%-38%-55% messaging is congruent.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”. Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.
Influencers from Around the World – Three Keys to Consider when Negotiating with the Chinese
Marco Germani has been guest writing for Influence PEOPLE for four years. He’s written his own book on persuasion and applies the principles of influence daily as he travels the world selling wine. I encourage you to reach out to Marco on Facebookand LinkedIn.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.Three Keys to Consider when Negotiating with the ChineseA few years ago I attended an influence workshop put on by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., where the last part of the seminar was dedicated to applying the principles of persuasion to different cultures around the world. My understanding was the principles were immutable and universally accepted all over the planet but in fact Dr. Cialdini explained that in different cultures some principles are much more effective than others. As an export manager in the wine business, spending over 70% of my time traveling around the world and making deals, I started to pay attention to this aspect and I realized that Dr. Cialdini was absolutely right! What works in Italy is sometimes less effective in Germany or in South Korea, and the best way to carry out negotiations in the United States could be totally ineffective in Japan. In this week’s post I would like to focus on China, a country which I’ve had the chance to visit many times over the past seven years and which can be considered one of a kind in many aspects, including the way Chinese negotiate and persuade. This subject could be very vast but I would like to point out three main differences in the Chinese way of negotiating because this understanding can make a big difference if you ever find yourself doing business in China.1. The concept of “face” (Mian Zi)“Losing face” is considered one of the worst things that can happen to a Chinese person. Being diminished or worse, ridiculed, in front of others, is the ultimate humiliation in China and this must always be taken into account when negotiating. If yielding to your conditions could even remotely generate the feeling that your counterpart was wrong, proposed something inconsistent, or that makes him clearly “lose the game” when negotiating, the deal simply will not happen. This extension of the principle of social proof is a very sensitive subject in Asia and Chinese people in particular seem to care about it even more.A Chinese boss would never criticize or admonish a subordinate in front of others, as this would cause him to lose face. When bargaining in a street market a Chinese vendor would prefer to lose the sale rather than accept your first price. Taking this into account means always giving a way out to your counterpart in order to help him “save face.” It is surprising how many Westerns ignore this point and have trouble negotiating with the Chinese. If the negotiation is seen as a battle, in which a party wins and the other loses, in China the two parties are almost always bound to lose simultaneously. The “win-win” concept introduced by the late Stephen Covey in his best seller The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is more relevant in China than elsewhere. It can be the deal maker or deal breaker, whether in a business or personal negotiation with a Chinese individual.2. The concept of relationship (Guan-xi)Business IS all about relationships and everybody knows it. In the newest edition of The Pyramid of Sale by Brian Tracy and other renowned sales trainers contend that the pyramid base is building relationships and trust with the customers, whereas in the past it was the presentation of the product. In China this concept goes even further. The nearly untranslatable word “guan-xi” literally means “network of relationships” but it has a deeper meaning, including how well you are perceived by influential people in your network and how you are able to help your business counterparts network with the influential people you know.When starting to negotiate with a Chinese person, the fact that you have common friends, or the fact that you have relationships with relevant people who might turn out to be useful to your counterpart, can give you a huge advantage. I consider this an extension of the principle of liking even though it has a deeper and subtler meaning.The skilled negotiator, when entering into a discussion with a Chinese person, will take care to inform the other of the influential people he knows or has business relationships with, letting the other understand that, if the deal between the two of them is made, this influential network will be put at his disposal as a natural consequence of starting a partnership. The problem with this attitude, which is widely used by Chinese people when negotiating with Westerns, is this; the information shared is seldom accurate and often purely instrumental to get a vantage point in the discussion. Let’s pretend I am trying to sell wine to a dealer in China. He might state that, if I accept his conditions and start a partnership with him, that he would introduce me to his best friend, the buyer of the largest Chinese retail chain, whom, thanks to his introduction, will seriously consider doing business with me as well. This is obviously just a negotiation technique, which appeals to the greediness of Western business people and in part to their ingenuity.3. The concept of circular thinking The last crucial information to know about when negotiating with the Chinese is the difference between the Western “linear” thinking and Eastern “circular” thinking. A few years ago I was involved in a long negotiation with a Chinese buyer of frozen pizza, produced by an Italian factory and to be distributed in several regions of China. This was going to generate a considerable amount of business for the seller. The negotiation went on for weeks and it seemed like we never reach an agreement. Every time there was a new issue popping out: exclusivity, special recipe for the Chinese market, color of the label on the package, selling price, payment terms, etc. In the end, and after several meetings with the owner of the company in China, a contract was finally written and it seemed to suit both partners. We celebrated together in one of those infamous Chinese banquets for more than five hours with alcohol flowing freely.A couple of days later, when the Italian CEO had already left China, I was incredulous when the Chinese buyer called me and he said he would like to meet me to again discuss several points of the contract. It seemed like all of the past efforts were useless and we were back to point zero. This was because I did not understand at the time the concept of “circular thinking.” For Western businessman reviewing an already signed contract means there’s something wrong with it which needs to be changed but for a Chinese businessman this might only mean they really would like to review the points and have them restated, not necessarily that they don’t agree with them or they want to change them. It is part of their culture and the process makes them feel safer and reassured. This must always be taken into account when negotiating with the Chinese. Reviewing over and over already established points is not a bad sign or a waste of time, it is just part of the natural process of negotiation in China!As said, the subject is much wider than this and I have treated it extensively in my eBook Business con la Cina (Bruno Editore – 2010, only available in Italian at the moment but maybe one day I’ll have it translated into English). For those who speak Italian, you can find it here www.autostima.net.Marco Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.
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