needs Archives - Social Engineering Blogs

psychmechanicsblog January 24, 2017

Understanding the psychology of social media sharing

Just as what people say and do in real life tells us who they are, how they act on social media reveals their personality too.

The same underlying motivations that drive the behavior of individuals in real life are at play in the virtual world of social media.

The reasons why people share what they share on social media are numerous but when looked at via the lens of various psychological perspectives, a lot of motivations clear out from the vague haze of random posts, videos, and pictures.

These psychological perspectives are not necessarily mutually exclusive. A single social media behavior could be the result of a combination of motivations highlighted by these perspectives.

Let’s go over these perspectives one by one…

Beliefs and values

You hardly need an in-depth knowledge of human behavior to understand that people like and share stuff on social media that match their beliefs and values.

A guy who favors capitalism, for example, will often post about it. Someone who believes democracy is the ideal form of government will often post about it.

We all have a tendency to reaffirm our beliefs once we’ve formed them. The next psychological perspective explains why…

Ego boost

Our beliefs make up our various identities which in turn make up our ego. Our ego is nothing but a set of beliefs that we have about ourselves. Our ego is how we see ourselves, our image.

The reason why people reaffirm their beliefs is that it helps them maintain or boost their ego.

If I support socialism then reaffirming the awesomeness of socialism boosts my ego because when I say “Socialism is awesome”, I’m indirectly saying, “I’m awesome because I support socialism which is awesome.” (see Why we want others to like what we like)

The same concept can be extended to one’s preferred political party, favorite sports team, celebrities, car and phone models, etc.

Attention craving

Sometimes what people share on social media is just an attempt to get attention.

We all have an innate need to be wanted, liked and being attended to. But, in some people, this need is exaggerated, possibly because they received little attention from their primary caregivers during childhood.

Attention-seekers post more regularly on social media to replete their ‘attention tanks’. If they feel they’re aren’t getting the attention they want they can go to great extremes to force you to pay attention by posting high shock value stuff such as gory pictures, nudity, etc.

Mate value signaling

Social media provides a great platform for men and women to flaunt their value as a suitable mate. This evolutionary psychological perspective is a powerful factor explaining why people share what they share on social media.

Since men who’re resourceful and ambitious are perceived to be ‘high value’ mates, men often share things that directly or indirectly signal these traits.

This is why you see many men sharing pictures of cars, bikes, and gadgets, even setting these as their profile pictures. Resource signaling in men also includes showing off their intelligence (via humor, for example) and occupational achievements.

Mate value in women is predominantly signaled by physical beauty.

This is why the only activity of some women on Facebook is uploading or changing their pictures.

This is also why women frequently use picturing sharing apps like Instagram that allows them to show off their beauty.

Besides beauty, women signal their mate value by displaying ‘nurturing’ behaviors.

Displaying nurturing behavior allows women to signal, “I’m a good mother and I can take good care of babies with the help of my female friends.”

Ancestral women who were nurturing and formed strong relationships with other women to gather food and raise the young together were more successful reproductively than those who did not have these traits.

This is why you see women posting pictures of them holding a cute baby, animal, teddy bear, etc. and stuff that signals how much they cherish friendships and relationships.

When it’s a woman’s best friend’s birthday, you’re likely to see her post a picture of her and her best friend together, along with something like this written in the caption…

I see today is the birthday of my sweetheart, my love, my cutie pie Maria. Oh! dear Maria! Where do I start? As soon as I got the notification about your birthday, my mind drifted to those days we spent together, all the fun that we had when we……………..and so on.

On the contrary, men’s birthday wishes rarely go any longer than, “Happy birthday bro”.

psychmechanicsblog January 18, 2017

How to achieve long term goals (A psychological trick)

Do you find yourself unable to stick to your goals?

Do you quit on your goal as soon as you encounter the first hurdle?

Have you made resolutions countless times only to break them later?

If your answer is in the affirmative to any of the above questions, you’re not alone. Most people are like this because it’s the default way our brains are wired.

With the help of this post, I hope to create a shift in your mindset that will enable you to persist until you accomplish your important goals.

We’re wired for short-term rewards

For the most part of our evolutionary history, our ancestors hunted and gathered food. These were activities that provided instant gratification. The ability to think long-term and plan ahead is fairly recent in our evolutionary history.

This is why it’s easy to indulge in an activity that promises a reward now and difficult to delay gratification. It takes some mental effort to delay gratification and think long-term.

When you’re doing a task, your brain’s default wiring makes it ask, “Is this activity giving me what I want?” This is because you’re inclined to think that rewards are to be attained as soon as possible, that either your activity is taking you towards your goal or away from it.

The figure A below shows what usually happens when you start out on a goal…

figure A

When you reach A starting from O, you see yourself making progress and are highly motivated as a result.

Soon, something goes terribly wrong and you hit a low point B. At B, the goal seems too far away and you’re motivated to quit because you don’t see your efforts yielding any fruits.

Most people quit at this point because, remember, our mind is constantly asking us, “Is this activity giving me what I want?”

If the answer to that question is “No” there’s no point in motivating you to continue pursuing your goal and you’re in a state of demotivation. So you quit because that’s the sane thing to do in such a situation.

A task that eats away your time, energy and resources without providing you with any benefit is perceived as costly by your mind.

You could devote your time, energy and resources to something else that’s probably more promising- such as tasks that provide you with instant gratification. (see why we do what we do and not what we don’t do)

It’s not over yet

What if you hijack the way your mind works to prevent yourself from quitting when things don’t go your way?

The figure A shown above tells us that when we do things that take us closer to our goals we’re motivated to continue and when we do things that take us away from our goal, we’re de-motivated and likely to quit.

What if I told you that figure A is not the whole story?

Yes, figure A is actually a part of a larger figure B shown below…

figure B

The obstacle you faced at B that motivated you to quit was just one of the many obstacles that you were going to face on the journey towards reaching your goal.

Most people quit at B, others do so at D, yet others at F, and some at H. When people are at A, C, E, and G they’re highly motivated because their mind is telling them, “Yes, what I’m doing now has taken me closer to my goal.”

The key message that figure B is sending you is that no matter how many low points and high points you hit on the road to accomplishing your goal, the general trend of the graph is akin to a straight line going upward.

figure C (representing the general trend of figure B)

When you remember this you can trick your mind into thinking that what you’re currently doing is, after, all taking you closer toward your goal over time. You hack your short-term brain wiring to apply it to long-term thinking.

The low point that you may be currently experiencing is but a temporary inconvenience, an insignificant dip in the general upward trend of your efforts.

Whether you’re trying to lose weight, build muscle, start a business, or write a book, and have hit a low point, remind yourself that if you persist you’ll eventually get there.

psychmechanicsblog January 9, 2017

Why do couples engage in rough-and-tumble play

Amy and Paul had gotten into a relationship about a month ago and were now living together. Amy was busy cooking when Paul hugged her from behind and whispered naughty things in her ear.

“Go away! Can’t you see I’m busy?”, Amy said with a grin but Paul was too turned on to let go. She then forcibly unclasped his arms and ran away, challenging Paul to ‘come and get her’ by twirling her index finger. When Paul went after her, she ran away again.

Paul chased her from room to room around the house. They jumped around, laughed and threw pillows at each other.

Finally, Paul caught her and pushed her against the wall, grasping her hands tightly so that she couldn’t escape. The couple stopped laughing, almost simultaneously, and kissed.

I’m sure you must have witnessed something like this countless times, whether on screen or in real life. Perhaps you yourself did something like this with your partner.

What’s going on here?

Why is it always the man who chases the woman this way and not the other way around?

Female resistance as a test of male sexual competence

“Rough-and-tumble sex play is a common feature of the courtship behavior of humans and many other animals”, writes animal communication expert Robin Baker in his book Sperm Wars.

In species where females are the high-investing sex, courtship dynamics mainly revolve around mate selection by females and the display of quality by males.

Female resistance is a test of male physical strength and sexual competence. One of the criteria that a woman can add to her list when selecting a mate is his ability to overcome her physical resistance.

She can test this ability in two ways- either by watching males compete with each other or by directly testing a male’s ability to overcome her own defenses.

On average, men who are physically able to overcome the defences of a female and achieve copulation leave more offspring than those are not. So women whose sons and grandsons have this ability will enjoy greater reproductive success.

Conducting the test

To conduct such a test, a woman has to first resist verbally and then physically. The stronger and more realistic the resistance the better the test will be.

Resist too little and the test is meaningless. Resist too much and the male may inadvertently cause serious physical injury.

The fact that this type of courtship aggression rarely results in serious damage in cats, mink or even humans shows the accuracy with which this feature of sexual behavior has been molded by natural selection.

Frequency of the test

In species such as humans that form long-term relationships, you should observe this test frequently during the initial stages of the relationship. Once the female has tested the male she need not do it again and again.

Even then, occasional re-appraisal of the male’s strength and ability doesn’t harm.

For some couples, rough-and-tumble sex play is an infrequent element in their relationship while for others it may even go up to the level of sadomasochism.

Final words

It’s important to note that this test is just one of the many ways in which females evaluate the mate value of a male.

Usually, this test happens within the context of a newly formed relationship where the female has already begun favoring the male as her sexual partner.

It doesn’t necessarily mean that a female will conduct this test on any male that she hasn’t even begun evaluating as a potential partner.