I recently watched a very interesting interview with Charles Duhigg, the author of The Power of Habit. I read the book several years ago and was fascinated by the subject matter and scientific research Duhigg shared throughout the book. Watching his interview renewed my interest in the subject and started me thinking about how habits and influence intersect.I’ve personally seen how forming good habits can be extremely beneficial. As a teenager I got in the habit of working out because I wanted to get in shape for football. The habit of weightlifting stayed with me because I enjoyed it and I eventually I added running to my fitness mix. For decades my days have consisted of getting up very early to read, then workout or run. For me that morning habit is as regular as eating breakfast or showering before work. Duhigg would call this a “keystone” habit because it positively affects other things I do. For example; in addition to being a little smarter and more fit, by the time I get to work I feel ready to tackle just about anything because of my morning routine.The great thing about habits is they remove the burden of thinking. That frees us up to devote energy to other items competing for our attention. If you pause for a moment to consider your habits you’ll probably realize almost all of them occur with little or no thought. When habits are good that’s wonderful. However, when habits are poor it can be tough to change them.As a persuader it’s important that you understand this because quite often you’re not looking to persuade someone into a one-time behavioral change. After all, you don’t want to have to persuade your child every day to do their homework do you? If you’re the boss at work you don’t want to have the same conversation over and over to influence an employee to show up on time, do you? Wouldn’t it be great if those behavioral changes took hold and were lasting? It’s my goal to help you learn how to Influence PEOPLE into lasting change.Let’s look at the example of trying to persuade an employee to show up to work on time. You could use every principle of influence in this effort.Liking – Appeal to the relationship you have with them and ask them to do a personal favor for you and start showing up on time.Reciprocity – Leverage something you’ve done for the person in the past by referencing it and asking for their help in return.Consensus – Let them know everyone else makes it to work on time so there’s no reason they shouldn’t also.Authority – While not always advisable, you can reference you’re the boss and this is the expectation. However, beware that playing on your positional authority can cause resentment and that usually doesn’t lead to lasting change.Consistency – After having some conversation about why they’re late so often ask them if they’ll commit to start showing up on time rather than telling them that’s what they need to do.Scarcity – There is probably a downside to continually showing up late – no bonus opportunity, no raise, possibly losing their job – so appealing to this potential loss is certainly an option.In The Power of Habit, Duhigg shares scientific research that every habit has three parts: a cue, the routine and a reward. The cue is the trigger that starts the routine and it’s almost always one of five things:A certain location (some people only smoke in bars)Time of day (morning prompts many to exercise)An emotional state (loneliness causes some to drink)Other people (someone who pushes your buttons)An action that immediately precedes the routine (this could be a song triggering memories).The reward can be many things – pleasure, pain avoidance, feeling better about one’s self, feeling a sense of control, etc. Remember, we all get something out of our habits, even those that appear self-destructive. In some cases your attempts to change someone’s behavior can be very difficult because old habits die hard. In fact, Duhigg suggests, based on research, that you never really get rid of old habits, you only replace or change them. This is why so many smokers gain weight when they try to quit because they replace their smoking routine with eating when their cues trigger them. In the case of the late employee, you know it’s possible for them to get to work on time because the vast majority of people do it every day, even those who might have more hectic and stressful home lives than your chronically late employee. So what are you to do?You can help them identify the triggers that tend to make them late. For some people time is like money – they’ll use up every last penny or every last minute no matter how much extra time or money they may have. So getting up a little earlier may not be the solution. Help the person establish a new cue that will allow them to get to work with at least 10 minutes to spare. That could be another alarm clock going off, the coffee maker brewing a cup of coffee for their drive in or something else that alerts the person it’s time to stop everything and head to the car. If it’s a spouse or kids that are part of the problem then the person needs to let them suffer their own consequences for getting up late, not coming to breakfast on time or whatever else it might be. That won’t be easy but if they don’t do that they’ll forever be a slave to other people’s behavior and they, not the others, will pay the cost.The principles of influence can certainly come into play when you have this conversation with the employee. The conversation turns from “You need to get to work on time” to “How can I help you figure out what you need to do in order to get to work on time?” The more principles you use in that conversation the more success you’re likely to have.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.
Influencers from Around the World – Three Keys to Consider when Negotiating with the Chinese
Marco Germani has been guest writing for Influence PEOPLE for four years. He’s written his own book on persuasion and applies the principles of influence daily as he travels the world selling wine. I encourage you to reach out to Marco on Facebookand LinkedIn.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.Three Keys to Consider when Negotiating with the ChineseA few years ago I attended an influence workshop put on by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., where the last part of the seminar was dedicated to applying the principles of persuasion to different cultures around the world. My understanding was the principles were immutable and universally accepted all over the planet but in fact Dr. Cialdini explained that in different cultures some principles are much more effective than others. As an export manager in the wine business, spending over 70% of my time traveling around the world and making deals, I started to pay attention to this aspect and I realized that Dr. Cialdini was absolutely right! What works in Italy is sometimes less effective in Germany or in South Korea, and the best way to carry out negotiations in the United States could be totally ineffective in Japan. In this week’s post I would like to focus on China, a country which I’ve had the chance to visit many times over the past seven years and which can be considered one of a kind in many aspects, including the way Chinese negotiate and persuade. This subject could be very vast but I would like to point out three main differences in the Chinese way of negotiating because this understanding can make a big difference if you ever find yourself doing business in China.1. The concept of “face” (Mian Zi)“Losing face” is considered one of the worst things that can happen to a Chinese person. Being diminished or worse, ridiculed, in front of others, is the ultimate humiliation in China and this must always be taken into account when negotiating. If yielding to your conditions could even remotely generate the feeling that your counterpart was wrong, proposed something inconsistent, or that makes him clearly “lose the game” when negotiating, the deal simply will not happen. This extension of the principle of social proof is a very sensitive subject in Asia and Chinese people in particular seem to care about it even more.A Chinese boss would never criticize or admonish a subordinate in front of others, as this would cause him to lose face. When bargaining in a street market a Chinese vendor would prefer to lose the sale rather than accept your first price. Taking this into account means always giving a way out to your counterpart in order to help him “save face.” It is surprising how many Westerns ignore this point and have trouble negotiating with the Chinese. If the negotiation is seen as a battle, in which a party wins and the other loses, in China the two parties are almost always bound to lose simultaneously. The “win-win” concept introduced by the late Stephen Covey in his best seller The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is more relevant in China than elsewhere. It can be the deal maker or deal breaker, whether in a business or personal negotiation with a Chinese individual.2. The concept of relationship (Guan-xi)Business IS all about relationships and everybody knows it. In the newest edition of The Pyramid of Sale by Brian Tracy and other renowned sales trainers contend that the pyramid base is building relationships and trust with the customers, whereas in the past it was the presentation of the product. In China this concept goes even further. The nearly untranslatable word “guan-xi” literally means “network of relationships” but it has a deeper meaning, including how well you are perceived by influential people in your network and how you are able to help your business counterparts network with the influential people you know.When starting to negotiate with a Chinese person, the fact that you have common friends, or the fact that you have relationships with relevant people who might turn out to be useful to your counterpart, can give you a huge advantage. I consider this an extension of the principle of liking even though it has a deeper and subtler meaning.The skilled negotiator, when entering into a discussion with a Chinese person, will take care to inform the other of the influential people he knows or has business relationships with, letting the other understand that, if the deal between the two of them is made, this influential network will be put at his disposal as a natural consequence of starting a partnership. The problem with this attitude, which is widely used by Chinese people when negotiating with Westerns, is this; the information shared is seldom accurate and often purely instrumental to get a vantage point in the discussion. Let’s pretend I am trying to sell wine to a dealer in China. He might state that, if I accept his conditions and start a partnership with him, that he would introduce me to his best friend, the buyer of the largest Chinese retail chain, whom, thanks to his introduction, will seriously consider doing business with me as well. This is obviously just a negotiation technique, which appeals to the greediness of Western business people and in part to their ingenuity.3. The concept of circular thinking The last crucial information to know about when negotiating with the Chinese is the difference between the Western “linear” thinking and Eastern “circular” thinking. A few years ago I was involved in a long negotiation with a Chinese buyer of frozen pizza, produced by an Italian factory and to be distributed in several regions of China. This was going to generate a considerable amount of business for the seller. The negotiation went on for weeks and it seemed like we never reach an agreement. Every time there was a new issue popping out: exclusivity, special recipe for the Chinese market, color of the label on the package, selling price, payment terms, etc. In the end, and after several meetings with the owner of the company in China, a contract was finally written and it seemed to suit both partners. We celebrated together in one of those infamous Chinese banquets for more than five hours with alcohol flowing freely.A couple of days later, when the Italian CEO had already left China, I was incredulous when the Chinese buyer called me and he said he would like to meet me to again discuss several points of the contract. It seemed like all of the past efforts were useless and we were back to point zero. This was because I did not understand at the time the concept of “circular thinking.” For Western businessman reviewing an already signed contract means there’s something wrong with it which needs to be changed but for a Chinese businessman this might only mean they really would like to review the points and have them restated, not necessarily that they don’t agree with them or they want to change them. It is part of their culture and the process makes them feel safer and reassured. This must always be taken into account when negotiating with the Chinese. Reviewing over and over already established points is not a bad sign or a waste of time, it is just part of the natural process of negotiation in China!As said, the subject is much wider than this and I have treated it extensively in my eBook Business con la Cina (Bruno Editore – 2010, only available in Italian at the moment but maybe one day I’ll have it translated into English). For those who speak Italian, you can find it here www.autostima.net.Marco Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.
The Importance of “Thank You”
Several weeks ago I wrote a blog post on the correct ways to respond to “Thanks.” Much to my surprise and delight it struck a chord with readers. As I was watching television after a Sunday of football, a 60 Minutes piece caught my attention so I decided to write about the importance of saying, “Thank you.”In the 60 Minutes segment, Anderson Cooper interviewed Marcus Luttrell, the author of Lone Survivor, the account of four Navy Seals who were ambushed during a recon mission in Afghanistan. Luttrell was the lone survivor on that fateful day in 2005.Cooper also interviewed retired Vice Admiral Joe McGuire. According to the Vice Admiral one of Luttrell’s comrades, Lieutenant Mike Murphy, placed a call for help after he and his three fellow Seals had been shot. Murphy had to expose himself on a rock to place the call even though he knew he’d likely be killed in such a vulnerable location.He made the call and said, “We could really use your help.” He was told by command, “Help is on the way.” Then Vice Admiral McGuire said he admired Murphy because, having been shot and knowing he’d probably die radioing for help, he finished the call by saying, “Thank you.” The Vice Admiral said of Murphy, “That’s just the kind of man he was.” Did you catch that? He actually took time to say “Thank you” in the middle of a firefight knowing he might die!As I noted in the post several weeks ago, how you respond to “thank you” can make a big difference in your ability to persuade others. On the flip side, expressing gratitude, saying “thank you”, is every bit as important. If Lieutenant Murphy could find the time to remember to say, “Thanks,” then who are we not to?Giving thanks taps into reciprocity, the principle that tells us people feel obligated to do something for those who’ve done something for them. “Thank you” is one of the first phrases we learned when mom and dad taught us that thanking others was the right thing to do after someone had done something for us.Unfortunately showing gratitude – good manners – seems to be slipping these days. I think that because of the responses I get from others when I say, “Yes, thank you,” or “No, thanks.” Quite often I’m thanked in return because politeness stands out today. While that might be a sad commentary, the good news for you is your “Thanks” will stand out in a positive way.I remember many years ago “stopping the presses” to help someone accomplish something that was very important to them. It involved several people on my end and was a disruption in normal processing but we got it done. What stayed with me all these years was the fact that the person we helped never said thanks or acknowledged we went out of our way to help even though we didn’t have to.I realize I don’t work for thanks and that I’m expected to do my job but our company has a culture in which associates recognize extra effort with sincere appreciation. I knew in my heart if that person ever wanted my help again I’d do what was asked but the effort would not be the same as it would for others who genuinely appreciated past efforts.When you recognize people and their effort it helps build relationships and it’s a proven fact that people prefer to say, “Yes” to those they know and like. That’s the principle of liking.So here is some simple persuasion advice. When people have done something you genuinely appreciate, let them know. “Thanks” and “Thank you” go a long way but I’d encourage you to go a bit further. Thank the other person and, if warranted, tag it with a bit more. “Thanks, I really appreciate what you did.”“Thank you. It means a lot to me that you’d…”“You have been so helpful. Thanks a lot!”Each of these takes just a moment of reflection and a couple of extra seconds. Lieutenant Murphy found the time during the fight of his life; can you? Even if you’re dealing with someone you might not see again at a minimum you might just brighten his or her day. If you’re dealing with someone you interact with regularly, an approach like I’ve described can go a long way toward building a stronger, more productive relationship and that will make future attempts at persuasion much easier.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
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