A former coworker and good friend Nancy Edwardsshared an article from Southwest’s Spirit Magazine titled “Chasing Beautiful Questions.” In the article I came across a quote from Steve Quatrano of the Right Question Institute:“A question is like a flashlight that we shine into the darkness, allowing us to move forward into the unknown and uncertain.”I loved the analogy of a question being like a flashlight because it’s so memorable! I also like it because asking good questions is a big part of being an effective persuader. When it comes to the principle of liking – it’s easier for us to say yes to those we know and like – questions are key to finding out what you have in common with another person. What we have in common with someone (similarities) is a proven way to engage the liking principle. Think about people you know who are from your hometown, have the same pet you do, enjoy the same hobbies or root for the same sports team. Studies show it’s easier for them to like you AND it’s easier for you to like them. The end result is it makes it easier for them to say “Yes” to you.You can learn these things a number of ways – ask people who know the person you want to persuade, Google them, check out Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. Or, when you’re with the other person you can shine the light of good questions to try and find out what you have in common so you can use those things to connect.Good questions also come in handy when you want to engage the principle of consistency. This principle of influence explains the reality that people want to be consistent in what they say, do, believe, etc. Typically people don’t resist their own values, attitudes and beliefs. If you know those things and can align your request to show the other person how what you’re asking lines up with those beliefs, values, attitudes, or past behaviors, it will be easier for them to say yes to whatever you’re asking.In much the same way that you discover similarities you can discover these things to engage consistency. Talk to people who know the person you’re tying to persuade, do an online search, and look at Facebook or LinkedIn.One last place questions come in handy is during the sales process, with scarcity. This principle highlights the truth that people respond more to what they might lose than what they might gain. Telling someone what he or she might lose by not going with your suggestion is effective persuasion but there’s a better way. Asking questions that highlight potential loss is a much more effective persuasion strategy. For example, in my industry, insurance, an insurance agent might ask the following of a prospective customer if they discover some deficiency in their insurance program: Agent – If you were to have a catastrophic loss, would you expect the insurance company to completely replace your building?Prospective Client – Of course I would. That’s why I carry insurance.Agent – I thought that would be the case but the reality is you don’t carry enough insurance to fully replace your building. You’d have to pay more than $200,000 out of pocket. Did you know that?Prospective Client – No, I thought I was fully covered!By asking the right questions the agent is shining the light on a dark place, a place the customer had not considered. When the customer voices what he wants that solidifies his desire even more. And this approach drives home the potential loss much more than the agent telling him what he might lose.So whether you want to connect with someone using liking, engage them with consistency or highlight possible loss, good questions are the way to go. They will shine a light to allow you to see things previously hidden and increase your chance for persuasion success. Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.
What If You Hate Someone You Work With?
Several years ago I was invited to speak to a couple dozen psychology students at The Ohio State University. They were working on their MBAs so as you might imagine it was a group of very bright young people. No doubt they had far more insight into psychology than I possessed but I did have something they didn’t, something they could all learn from – a lot of real-world business experience.As I shared the psychology of persuasion and its application to the business world, we got off on a tangent when we came to the principle of liking. This psychological concept simply alerts us to the reality that it’s easier for us to say yes to those we know and like. Think about it for a moment – there are many things you’d willingly do if asked by a friend that you’d never do for a stranger. So, make more friends and more people will be willing to help you when you need it.At one point someone asked, “What if you hate someone you work with?” I replied, “Hate is a very strong word and I can honestly say I don’t hate anyone I work with.” Then he rephrased his question, “Okay, what if you really dislike them?” I responded, “I don’t really dislike anyone I work with either.” I went on to explain why that was the case and I’d like to share my thoughts with you in this post because it might just make your life a lot happier and less stressful.Learning about the liking principle coupled with more than 25 years in business has taught me this – how much I like someone depends far more on me than it does on the other person. That’s because I can make simple choices that will not only get them to like mea little more, but will get me to like themmore at the same time!A couple of ways to trigger liking are to offer up genuine compliments and look for things we have in common. Let’s start with compliments. I firmly believe there’s good in every person. If we look for the good we’ll find it, and it will get easier and easier to keep finding more good things. Unfortunately all too often we look for the negative and that’s also easy to find. It’s a choice so which will you look for?Abraham Lincoln said, “Everybody likes a compliment.” When we do find something good and tell the other person, they feel good and begin to associate those good feelings with us. In other words, they start to like us a bit more. But here’s the interesting thing – that same approach is working on us too! When you look for something worthy of a compliment in another person and tell them, you begin to convince yourself that they’re a good person. The very same factor that causes them to like you makes you like them at the same time.Studies show when it comes to things you have in common with someone else, engage on those things and they’ll come to like you more. That happens because we give a lot of benefit of the doubt to people who root for the same team, were born in the same town, attended the same college, have the same pets, etc. And just as sharing compliments works in reverse, so does this approach. In other words, when you find someone who roots for your team, went to your college, has the same pet, etc., you come to like them more!I shared this with the psychology group and went on to tell them what I’d come to realize during my career was how much I like the people I work with depends more on me than it does them. That’s because I can continually make choices to offer sincere compliments and look for things we have in common. As I do this, I come to like them more. It doesn’t turn everyone in a best friend and it doesn’t mean I’ll come in early for coffee or go have beers after work with them all, but I can enjoy them while I’m with them.I’d venture to guess if you think about people who don’t enjoy life and the people who are a part of their life you’ll probably think of people who are not very outgoing, who don’t look for the best in others and are probably fairly negative.Here’s my two-fold challenge for you this week: 1. Make a concerted effort to look for things you have in common with other people AND then talk about those things with them.2. Choose to look for things you can genuinely compliment in other people AND then offer up a sincere compliment.I guarantee if you make this “the way you do life” you’ll have an abundance of friends, people who like you and people that you like in return. Do this and you’ll be able to say as I did years ago, “I can honestly say I don’t hate, or really dislike, anyone I work with.”Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”. Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.
Ancient Survival and Modern Day Complexities
The more I teach others about persuasion, the more clearly I see the principles of influence as a survival tool. Not only did they help our ancestors live day to day, they help us deal with the complexities of life in this information-overloaded society in which we live.Let’s consider the principles in relation to our ancestors.Liking – One way to engage liking is through similarity. In ancient times someone who looked like you was probably friendly whereas someone who looked different might be an enemy. It became easier to trust those with whom you could quickly tell you had something in common.Reciprocity – If someone helped you it would be wise to help him or her when the opportunity presented itself because you never knew when you might need his or her help again.Consensus – There’s safety in numbers so it was probably a good survival bet to go along with the crowd instead of opposing it. If everyone was in favor of some action your optimal choice was to go along with the group or you’d find yourself ostracized.Authority – We place a lot of confidence in those with superior wisdom and knowledge. It paid to go along with the leader’s direction because opposition could end your life in a multitude of ways.Consistency – To do what you promised would gain you favor most of the time. In turn you learned to rely on those with a track record of coming through as expected whether it was on the farm or on the battlefield.Scarcity – When good opportunities, like food and drink, came along it was a wise choice to take advantage of the opportunity because you never knew if such an opportunity would come around again.In the modern world we may not have life and death decisions very often but the principles help us keep our sanity. In my presentations I like to share a quote from William C. Taylor’s article Permission Marketing, which was written for the magazine Fast Company.“This year, the average consumer will see or hear one million marketing messages – that’s almost 3,000 per day.”Can anyone possibly take in 3,000 marketing messages every day, sort through them all, weigh the pros and cons and make the best rational decision? Of source not! You’d need a super computer to do that. But here’s a scary thought – Taylor’s quote is more than 15 years old! A more recent article on the New York Times, Anywhere the Eye Can See, It’s Likely to See an Ad, puts the number of daily marketing messages we’re exposed to closer to 5,000!To help us deal with the complexities of modern life we use the principles of influence as mental shortcuts. They help us wade through all the noise and when we hear something that resonates with us quite often that’s all we need to make a quick, satisfactory decision. Liking – A friend tells you the company they used to put in their new kitchen floor and after a few questions you like what you hear so you decide to call the company for a quote. That saves a lot of time because you don’t have to do a lot of research. Reciprocity – You do something that’s helpful, something another person truly appreciates. You sense they appreciate you and believe you want the best for them. It’s only natural for him or her to say, “Yes” if you need their help in return. Now you’re building relationship. Consensus – If everyone is doing it then it must be worth considering. After all, quite often the wisdom of the crowd is better than a few smart people. Therefore best-selling items can usually be relied on over new products or services. Authority – With the crush of modern life it’s easier to turn to accountants for our taxes, lawyers for legal questions and doctors for our health. We find it easier to pay these people for their expertise because it gives us time to focus on things we’re good at and things that are more important to us. Consistency – As society becomes more inter-dependent we rely on each other. A big part of the reliability is banking on someone doing what they said they would. We may be more pleased with a “steady Eddie” worker over the person who sometimes does great work and other times does poor work or misses deadlines.Scarcity – “Sale ends Sunday” is a classic. We don’t want to lose out on the possibility of a great deal so we get off the couch and get to the store before the end of the weekend. Much of the time this is an open door for us to get better deals.So there you have a comparison of the principles of influence in ancient versus modern-day survival. They don’t explain all of human behavior but if you pay attention you’ll see they do explain an awful lot of why people do what they do. Look for ways to ethically and correctly tap into them and you’re sure to be a more effective persuader.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.
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