Liking Archives - Page 12 of 12 - Social Engineering Blogs

Here it is, your big break – you have a meeting with the Donald! That’s right, Donald Trump has agreed to give you 15 minutes to pitch your idea. How will you go about persuading him to get a yes answer?
This week we’ll take a look at how best to persuade someone who is a pragmatic or driver personality. In my mind, Donald Trump is an off-the-charts pragmatic because he’s someone who is more task-oriented as opposed to relationship-focused and he likes to control situations and others. The following describes this personality type:
Pragmatics generally want quick results; are more focused on getting things done than chatting with people; prefer taking control of situations; sometimes act before thoroughly thinking things through; are assertive; not afraid to take risks; appreciate getting to the point quickly.
Because pragmatics are not relationship-oriented it will come as no surprise to learn in my online survey they chose answers that engaged reciprocity and liking far less than did the expressive and amiable personality types, two personalities that are people-focused much more than task-oriented. Some persuasion advice when dealing with a pragmatic:
Don’t be rude but don’t spin your wheels using the liking principle because they don’t care much about being your friend. Do you think Donald cares more about being your friend or possibly closing the deal? I bet he wants to close the deal.
Don’t try to pull the reciprocity lever by doing favors with an expectation that it will be a difference maker because it probably won’t help too much. Donald will gladly accept what you offer but it’s doubtful it will be top of mind for him to think about how to repay the favor.
Uncertainty can be bothersome for pragmatics so when they’re not sure what to do they tend to respond to a couple of principles more than others.
Pragmatics generally don’t care what everyone else is doing but it can be persuasive to tell them what others just like themare doing. While they don’t respond to the principle of consensus as much as other personalities it was nonetheless one of their top choices. Donald Trump doesn’t care what the run of the mill businessperson is doing but he cares what respected peers are doing so do some research and incorporate your findings into your presentation.
Sharing hard data or using the advice of perceived experts is the most effective route with this group.

Influencing Difficult People How many of you have to influence difficult people? Whether it is daily, weekly or every now and again, just the thought of that person has probably seen your nose immediately wrinkle with some level of disgust.

Difficult people are not a problem if we don’t have to interact with them on a personal level such as passing them on the street, sitting in the same train carriage or even sharing an elevator with them. If we see them being difficult with others we can just dismiss them and move on with our lives.

But, and there is a but, when we have to interact with them, work with them, and more importantly when we have to influence them, difficult people can become major drain on your energy and your physical and psychological resources.

Difficult people tend to relish the interaction, they have boundless energy and always put up a good fight. If only you could harness their energy for good rather than evil.

In the field of influence we know that it is what you do first that matters most.

If you continue to look upon them as difficult people that is exactly what they will remain. For some direction here we can look to Irish philosopher and statesman Edmund Burke (1729–1797) who said,

“He that wrestles with us strengthens our nerves and sharpens our skill.”

So you can either look upon them as a great adversary, someone who is honing your influencing skills and making you better for the interaction or if this is a bridge too far I’ll bring you back to the point above, use their skills for good rather than evil.

For example, those of you who have ridden a horse before will know that it is easier to ride the horse in the direction it is going rather than try and tear its head off in getting it to change direction, especially a direction it doesn’t want to go in.

So embrace your problem child. Give them a role to review the work of others, to provide quality assurance, just as the Catholic church used the Devil’s Advocate to argue against the canonization of a proposed saint. Give the problem employee the role of taking a skeptical view, to look for holes in the evidence and argue for correctness, i.e. use their skills for good rather than evil.

Even if you are opposing people who you can’t give this role to, think of their hard questions, lack of willingness to budge from a predetermined position and general difficult nature as a positive. They are making your case better and more robust by pointing out the potential weaknesses. Even if the points they make are not weaknesses take solace in the fact that you can adequately deal with that objection and know that your case is becoming even more bulletproof.

By looking upon them as an ally rather than an adversary you will then be able to cooperate with them, praise them for their tough questions and identify the shared goals you have – all the basis for Liking. In doing so you will change the nature of the relationship, not by heavy handed tactics or actions that lead to tantrums and tears – instead you create a place for a relationship to build when none existed before.

Change the way you think about influencing difficult people and at the very least they will make you smile!