Marco Germani has been guest writing for Influence PEOPLE for four years. He’s written his own book on persuasion and applies the principles of influence daily as he travels the world selling wine. I encourage you to reach out to Marco on Facebookand LinkedIn.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.Three Keys to Consider when Negotiating with the ChineseA few years ago I attended an influence workshop put on by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., where the last part of the seminar was dedicated to applying the principles of persuasion to different cultures around the world. My understanding was the principles were immutable and universally accepted all over the planet but in fact Dr. Cialdini explained that in different cultures some principles are much more effective than others. As an export manager in the wine business, spending over 70% of my time traveling around the world and making deals, I started to pay attention to this aspect and I realized that Dr. Cialdini was absolutely right! What works in Italy is sometimes less effective in Germany or in South Korea, and the best way to carry out negotiations in the United States could be totally ineffective in Japan.
In this week’s post I would like to focus on China, a country which I’ve had the chance to visit many times over the past seven years and which can be considered one of a kind in many aspects, including the way Chinese negotiate and persuade. This subject could be very vast but I would like to point out three main differences in the Chinese way of negotiating because this understanding can make a big difference if you ever find yourself doing business in China.1. The concept of “face” (Mian Zi)“Losing face” is considered one of the worst things that can happen to a Chinese person. Being diminished or worse, ridiculed, in front of others, is the ultimate humiliation in China and this must always be taken into account when negotiating. If yielding to your conditions could even remotely generate the feeling that your counterpart was wrong, proposed something inconsistent, or that makes him clearly “lose the game” when negotiating, the deal simply will not happen. This extension of the principle of social proof is a very sensitive subject in Asia and Chinese people in particular seem to care about it even more.A Chinese boss would never criticize or admonish a subordinate in front of others, as this would cause him to lose face. When bargaining in a street market a Chinese vendor would prefer to lose the sale rather than accept your first price. Taking this into account means always giving a way out to your counterpart in order to help him “save face.” It is surprising how many Westerns ignore this point and have trouble negotiating with the Chinese. If the negotiation is seen as a battle, in which a party wins and the other loses, in China the two parties are almost always bound to lose simultaneously. The “win-win” concept introduced by the late Stephen Covey in his best seller The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is more relevant in China than elsewhere. It can be the deal maker or deal breaker, whether in a business or personal negotiation with a Chinese individual.2. The concept of relationship (Guan-xi)Business IS all about relationships and everybody knows it. In the newest edition of The Pyramid of Sale by Brian Tracy and other renowned sales trainers contend that the pyramid base is building relationships and trust with the customers, whereas in the past it was the presentation of the product. In China this concept goes even further. The nearly untranslatable word “guan-xi” literally means “network of relationships” but it has a deeper meaning, including how well you are perceived by influential people in your network and how you are able to help your business counterparts network with the influential people you know.When starting to negotiate with a Chinese person, the fact that you have common friends, or the fact that you have relationships with relevant people who might turn out to be useful to your counterpart, can give you a huge advantage. I consider this an extension of the principle of liking even though it has a deeper and subtler meaning.The skilled negotiator, when entering into a discussion with a Chinese person, will take care to inform the other of the influential people he knows or has business relationships with, letting the other understand that, if the deal between the two of them is made, this influential network will be put at his disposal as a natural consequence of starting a partnership. The problem with this attitude, which is widely used by Chinese people when negotiating with Westerns, is this; the information shared is seldom accurate and often purely instrumental to get a vantage point in the discussion. Let’s pretend I am trying to sell wine to a dealer in China. He might state that, if I accept his conditions and start a partnership with him, that he would introduce me to his best friend, the buyer of the largest Chinese retail chain, whom, thanks to his introduction, will seriously consider doing business with me as well. This is obviously just a negotiation technique, which appeals to the greediness of Western business people and in part to their ingenuity.3. The concept of circular thinking The last crucial information to know about when negotiating with the Chinese is the difference between the Western “linear” thinking and Eastern “circular” thinking. A few years ago I was involved in a long negotiation with a Chinese buyer of frozen pizza, produced by an Italian factory and to be distributed in several regions of China. This was going to generate a considerable amount of business for the seller. The negotiation went on for weeks and it seemed like we never reach an agreement. Every time there was a new issue popping out: exclusivity, special recipe for the Chinese market, color of the label on the package, selling price, payment terms, etc. In the end, and after several meetings with the owner of the company in China, a contract was finally written and it seemed to suit both partners. We celebrated together in one of those infamous Chinese banquets for more than five hours with alcohol flowing freely.A couple of days later, when the Italian CEO had already left China, I was incredulous when the Chinese buyer called me and he said he would like to meet me to again discuss several points of the contract. It seemed like all of the past efforts were useless and we were back to point zero. This was because I did not understand at the time the concept of “circular thinking.” For Western businessman reviewing an already signed contract means there’s something wrong with it which needs to be changed but for a Chinese businessman this might only mean they really would like to review the points and have them restated, not necessarily that they don’t agree with them or they want to change them. It is part of their culture and the process makes them feel safer and reassured. This must always be taken into account when negotiating with the Chinese. Reviewing over and over already established points is not a bad sign or a waste of time, it is just part of the natural process of negotiation in China!As said, the subject is much wider than this and I have treated it extensively in my eBook Business con la Cina (Bruno Editore – 2010, only available in Italian at the moment but maybe one day I’ll have it translated into English). For those who speak Italian, you can find it here www.autostima.net.
Marco Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.
5 Things I Have Learned About Persuasion
It probably won’t surprise you to learn that I have been intently interested in people and what makes them tick since I was a small child. My mother often comments how I was always able to get my chores done without doing them myself; generally at the expense of my younger brother.
Joining the police was as you can imagine a life changing experience but mainly because of the exploration of how and why people do things to each other. I had the fortunate experience of working in mission critical environments that saw the best and worst of people something that added a whole other facet to my Criminology degree I was studying for at the time.
My journey then took me to the US where I was able to train with Dr Robert Cialdini (the most cited Social Scientist of all time) and you know how that turned out!
Today I provide leaders from organisations of all sizes with scientifically proven strategies to ethically persuade others in their direction. Below is a breakdown of the 5 things I have learned about persuasion.
Lesson #1 – If You Don’t Ask You Don’t Get
I have always been fascinated by how often potential persuaders talk themselves out of a “YES!” That’s right, more often than not people don’t ever ask the question to get a “No” because they are so convinced that is what they will hear so they never try. If you ask it is possible you might get a “No” but if you don’t you will certainly not get a “YES!” (except for dumb luck and you can’t build a career/business on that).
Think about it. We ask people to do things because we want them to say Yes! All the tools, frameworks and strategies under the sun will not be of any use to you if you don’t ask the question in the first place.
For my upcoming book I set my heights as high as I could regarding those I wanted to interview. Sure I got a couple of knock backs due to timing but I heard YES! from nearly all I approached because I asked the question.
Key Point: Ask the question. Put it out there and see what happens – if they are not already doing what you want what have you got to lose? But be careful what you ask for just; they might just say surprise you and say YES!
Lesson #2 – Small things really do matter
One thing I was taught in studying for my CMCT designation is that small things make a big difference. Personally I had experienced this very thing while working at the Homicide Investigation Group. We were to interview a convicted criminal over a murder we suspected he may have knowledge of. Simply due to the way we treated him he confessed to multiple murders we didn’t know he had done. Contrary to many modern day police shows this did not involve any threats; violence or tricks.
We did a small (legal and ethical) favour for him. We allowed him a small but common courtesy and because we had done this small thing for him (although it was very meaningful for him) it was right he reciprocate and give us something in return; in this case confessions to multiple murders!
Key Point: Don’t overlook the small things in your persuasive appeals. It is often the small things that matter most.
Lesson #3 – 3 Critical Steps
In anything, but certainly persuasion there are three key steps.
Pre-persuasion – the preparation and planning phase. Think about the target of influence, their motivation to say YES! and the strategy that is most likely to work. Do your research and plan how you intend to move them in your direction.
Execution – this is where you execute the plan and set about influencing the person in your direction. The best laid plan left unexecuted is just another useless bit of paper! Once you have finished your plan, set about executing it! It generally doesn’t get any better with age (unless that is the plan).
Post persuasion – possibly the most overlooked yet critical step is the review/debrief. The review of the persuasion strategy is critical if you are to learn from the process; further strengthening future endeavours; giving you the language and the knowledge to inform others; standardise the process to learn from mistakes.
Each step is important yet rarely do many execute all three well.
I love it when people say they don’t have time to review their persuasive appeals. My answer is simple…
“But you obviously have the time to stuff up the next one!”
Key Point: Make time to plan. Make time to execute. Make time to review your efforts and learn for next time.
Lesson #4 – Surround Yourself With The Skills You Do Not Possess
All too often I see people trying to be all things to all people or trying to do everything themselves. In delivering persuasive appeals it is critical you have the right skills to inform each of the above three critical steps.
Key Point: If the issue is important enough for you to sweat over it, lay awake at night or just get an elevated heart rate. Involve other people! Focus on what you can control and consider what you need to. For all other aspects surround yourself with a great team of people with relevant and diverse skills and listen to what they have to say.
Lesson #5 – “Them” then “You”
I learned a really long time ago if it was all about me I got very little. If it was all about the person I was seeking to say YES! I was far more likely to succeed.
It is amazing the amount of emails, marketing copy and even tender responses I am asked to review where it is all about the person or organisation writing the words. Regardless of whether you are pitching, selling, convincing or negotiating you need to draw the implication for the other person. This is hard to do if you are always anchoring the content to yourself. To explain what I mean, if you appear in the sentence before them, i.e. the use of the pronoun “I” or the name of your company, it is about you. If the pronoun “you”, their name or the name of their company appears first, this is generally a good sign it will be about them.
You will notice in the first paragraph of this point I did not say what is in it for them or use the good old chestnut WIIFM (What’s In It For Me). The problem I have with WIIFM and how it is taught is that people always focus on the benefits to the other person. As we know as persuaders people are often more motivated by what they stand to lose rather than what they stand to gain.
Therefore showing your target of influence what is not in it for them if they do not act is a subtlety to WIIFM that is often overlooked. This is still about them just not in a way we are commonly taught to focus.
Key Point: Focus on the person you are seeking to influence and draw the implication for them – loss or gain. If the pronoun or your business name comes before theirs – change it and change it now. It is just habit and one that is counter to your persuasive efforts.
This list was never meant to be exhaustive but if you asked me what points of advice I would give my kids, these would feature high on the list!
What are some of you greatest lessons you have learned about persuasion?
The post 5 Things I Have Learned About Persuasion appeared first on Social Influence Consulting Group.
The Importance of Congruent Messages When Persuading
I had in interesting Facebook exchange not long ago. Someone posted a picture of an attractive young woman wearing a t-shirt that had the following message on the front, “To be old and wise you must first be young and stupid.” To be honest I didn’t pay attention to the rest of the post, which read, “Reinvent yourself with enhanced awareness, renew yourself with enhanced tolerance and regenerate yourself with enhanced wisdom.”Focused on the picture and the saying imprinted on it I light-heartedly commented, “But if you’re too stupid when you’re young you may not live long enough to become old and wise. : ) ”My Facebook friend replied, “@Brian: You mean ONLY stupid people die young?? Just to refocus your observation on the quote which is my thought – it is not on the t-shirt.”I replied one last time to let him know I didn’t think only stupid people die young. Of course, the more stupid things you do, the more risk you run of harming yourself, but even people who make good decisions experience bad things. This week’s post isn’t about Facebook or the stupid things young people sometimes do. What stood out to me after the exchange was the following communication problem that’s all too common – the message was incongruent.You see, the picture of the attractive lady stood out and in my mind the message on her t-shirt had nothing to do with my friend’s quote, which was what he really wanted to convey to readers. Again, his quote was, “Reinvent yourself with enhanced awareness, renew yourself with enhanced tolerance and regenerate yourself with enhanced wisdom.” If there was a connection, then how many others missed it too?When you’re trying to communicate with someone, perhaps even trying to persuade him or her, you’d better be sure every part of your message is congruent. For example, if I conduct a sales training session for business professionals I’d be foolish to not dress in a suit and tie or sports coat at a minimum. If I went to a training session dressed as I do on the weekends my appearance will detract from my message. People have expectations about how a sales trainer will dress just like you probably have ideas about how a minister should look at a wedding or a lawyer in a courtroom. When there’s a mismatch people can lose focus and the last thing you want is someone focused on how you look rather than your message.We also have expectations for the environments we find ourselves in. We don’t act the same in church as we do at work, a bar, or in a college classroom. We conduct ourselves differently in each place and acting like you’re talking in church to a room full of college students will lose them faster than they can update Twitter.When you want to communicate a message make sure everything has a purpose and that every part of the message builds to your main point. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say after a training session, “It was pretty good but he kept going off on these tangents that had nothing to do with the workshop.” If you have stories to share, make sure they add to the message and don’t detract from it.Practice helps and perfect practice makes perfect. Do you ever ask someone for feedback on a presentation before you give it? Running through your presentation with another, as you would if your audience were right there, will help you in multiple ways. One big way is to make sure the person sees how everything ties together. If you have to stop and make the connections for them then you might want to rethink your approach.The same can be said of writing. Have someone proof read your articles and blogFree webinar! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world. posts. Have them challenge you and if something doesn’t make sense, ask yourself if there’s a better way to convey the message. Again, if you have to take extra time to explain what you mean then that should be a signal that other readers might not get your point either.Communicating a message is like traveling to a destination. Usually the shortest, most direct route is best. If you want to get there in a hurry then limit your excursions and make sure everything is working together like a well-oiled machine. The extra time and effort will be worth it when people go, “Ah, I get it.”
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”. Free webinar! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.
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