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Restricted Freedom and Persuading Others

Recently on a flight home from a training session I did what I normally do on a Southwest flight – I grabbed the first available aisle seat upon boarding. After I settled in, the flight attendant asked if I wanted to move back a row. She was in the emergency row and reminded me I could not recline my seat. I declined because I normally don’t recline my seat anyway.A few moments later I began to regret my decision because the thought crept in, “What if I want to recline?” Suddenly having my freedom restricted caused angst even though the restriction was on something I hardly ever do. Scarcity was at work on me! This principle of influence tells us we want things more as they become less available and it doesn’t just apply to goods and services; it applies to our freedom of choice.A good bit of scarcity’s work on our psyche has to do with not losing out on opportunities because that restricts our freedom.  If you’ve raised kids undoubtedly you’ve seen this. Isn’t it the case that more often than not they want whatever they’re not supposed to touch, taste, smell, watch, listen to or play with?That doesn’t go away as adults. The moment someone tells us we can’t do something there’s a natural impulse that rises up in us, “Who are you to tell me I can’t…?”As persuaders, we’d do well to remember this because there are times when our well-intentioned communication backfires because our restrictions only make the other person want the restricted thing even more! There are times when we’d be better off taking a wait and see attitude rather than jumping in with a command – don’t, you can’t, you’d better not, etc.If you have to make such statements you’d do well to help the other person internalize why the restriction is actually in their best interest. This taps into the principle of consistency. People typically don’t resist their own beliefs, values and reasons, so helping them form those will go a long way toward them believing the restriction is actually good for them.Here is a very personal example. As a parent I believe it’s in my daughter Abigail’s best interest to abstain from sex for many reasons. But those are my reasons not hers and that means they might not last very long. When she was a freshman in high school she met a nice guy who was a senior and although they were not “boyfriend and girlfriend” they were more than just friends. A short time after going to college he said it would probably be best if they didn’t keep going like they were and Abigail was crushed. Perhaps you can remember the feeling from your first love.Sometime after that Abigail and I were driving somewhere and the subject of sex came up so I asked her, “Why do you think it’s wrong to have sex before marriage?” Right away she said, “Because the Bible says so.” So I asked, “Why do you think the Bible says so?” Immediately she replied, “Because God says so.” I probed more, “Why do you think God says so?” She was stumped so I asked, “Remember how bad you felt when he broke up with you? All you did was hold hands and have intimate conversations. How do you think you’d feel now if you’d given yourself to him?” I could see from the look on her face that she got it in the deepest part of her being.I went on to tell her when God, the Bible or her mom and I ask her to refrain from things it’s not because we don’t want her to have fun. On the contrary, we love her and want her to love life and enjoy it to the fullest! With more experience under our belts we know the pitfalls of the decisions many teenagers make. We talked more about sex, marriage and relationships and as we did so she was generating her own reasons for her behavior.Will she always do what her mom and I think is best or right? No, but then again, we’re not the final arbitrators on right and wrong, good and bad. And it’s been interesting to watch her grow up and make choices at her young age that are far better than we made at that age…and perhaps well into our 30s.So the takeaway for you is this – be careful about what you restrict and how you go about it. When you do have to make certain restrictions be sure to help the other person generate their own reasons because that will lead to better, longer lasting behavior.P.S. I wrote this during the flight home and not being able to recline was a non-issue.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”. Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world. 

A lesson from Dr Seuss

Sr Seuss On a bet from editor Bennett Cerf, Theodor Seuss Geisel, better known as Dr Seuss, was challenged to write a book using just 50 words.  Not one to shy away from a challenge Dr Seuss used exactly 50 – not more not less.  In that master stroke Dr Seuss won the $50 bet, which Cerf never paid, and the book Green Eggs and Ham went on to become one of the most acclaimed children’s books of all time.

The 50 words, by the way, are: a, am, and, anywhere, are, be, boat, box, car, could, dark, do, eat, eggs, fox, goat, good, green, ham, here, house, I, if, in, let, like, may, me, mouse, not, on, or, rain, Sam, say, see, so, thank, that, the, them, there, they, train, tree, try, will, with, would, you.

But what has Green Eggs and Ham got to do with influence?

Marcus Tullius Cicero, philosopher and statesman said,

“If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter.”

Often we sit down and type an email because it’s faster.  But is it really?

We type, edit, reedit and often times it becomes a work of art.  One you are proud of, confident you have covered all of the necessary points.  But it doesn’t have the impact you had hoped.  Why not?  Are the recipients daft!  Can’t they see how well crafted this email is.  The blood sweat and tears you have poured into it, just to make it perfect.

Or you take weeks creating the perfect presentation for a pitch, briefing or proposal.  You focus on the technical aspects, provide the best graphics and on presentation day – it falls flat!  WHAT?????

In short, you are over cooking it.

Too often we forget to ask ourselves the most important question first.

Who is my target of influence?  

Then we need to ask

What do they know?

What don’t they know?

What do they need to know?

So coming back to Dr Seuss.  Writing simply is not as easy as it sounds but the impact is dramatic when done well.

The same can be said for presentations.

Focus on the target of influence and remember it is the small things that can make a big difference.

Ask questions and listen to the answers.  Align your presentation to the commitments the target of influence has previously made.  Show them what people like them are doing.  Show them you have shared goals with them and want to cooperate because you like them.  Give the gift of your knowledge and expertise but don’t over do it; the gift of listening and being truly present may just be the critical difference.  Don’t beg and show them what they stand to lose especially if they do nothing.

In short; keep it simple but focused.  Choose the appropriate method of delivery and keep it simple.

Dr Seuss only used 50 words and yes Sam-I-am got his unnamed co-star to try green eggs and ham but it is not a simple text to read.

Sometimes the best email is a phone call, the best presentation is a conversation, the best persuasive text is not more than a couple of well thought out and well delivered lines.

I am often guilty of overcooking it and one line that I remember and practice daily is

“Get it down and then get it great”

This line is not mine.  It belongs to Paul Jones, copywriter and Persuasive Writing guru at Magneto Communications.  Paul runs a number of Persuasive Writing courses and would encourage you to look him up.

If you have some examples of where you have overcooked it don’t be scared to share and let me know what you have learned as a result.

Any yes I could have summarized this entire post by saying “Keep it Simple” but that is not something Dr Seuss would say now is it!

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Using Scarcity with Qualified Prospects

Last month I hosted a webinar on the principle of scarcity for the Cialdini “Influence” Series. During the 30-minute webinar I introduced participants to the ethical application of scarcitywhen it comes to managing salespeople and increasing sales. If you’ve followed this blog for any length of time then you know scarcity is the principle of influence which alerts us to the reality that we place more value on things when they’re rare or becoming less available. We see this principle at work constantly: Advertising – Perceived limited time or limited availability gets customers to act in ways they wouldn’t otherwise.Relationships – When we lose someone we love we often wish we’d done more for them or with them. The mere thought of losing someone could change our behavior.Work and School – Deadlines drive much of our prioritization and activity when it comes to school or work.I’m sure you can think of your own examples where you’ve seen your behavior influenced by this psychological principle. What I want to explore is a question that came up as the webinar was ending. Someone asked if personal preference played into scarcity’s effectiveness. It was a great question, one I’d never considered before. The example that came immediately to mind as I pondered the answer was something from my childhood.When I was young I collected baseball cards. This goes way back to the days before you could buy whole sets of cards. Kids got their baseball cards when they bought the bubblegum packs with cards inside them. From there we traded to round out our collections. I still remember the most famous card was the 1909 Honus Wagner. Although neither my friends nor me knew anything about Honus as a player we knew there were only six in existence and that made it the most valuable card. The card is reportedly worth $2.8 million today!Certainly anyone reading this would love to have that card but for the most part baseball cards are only valuable to those who collect them. When I showed one of my old cards to Jane and told her it was worth about $200 she said, “Hmmm, four pairs of shoes.” She could have cared less that my Ted Williams 1956 Topps baseball card was in very good condition and she never would have paid $200 for the card because baseball cards mean nothing to her.Much like beauty, scarcity is in the eye of the beholder. For example, hearing a furniture outlet is having a half price sale that ends Sunday will do nothing to incent my behavior if I’m not considering getting new furniture for my home. A large part of selling is contacting qualified prospects. Qualified prospects are those people or organizations that are in the market for what you sell. When a prospect realizes they may lose out on a great opportunity that could fulfill their need, quite often scarcity will impact their decision to act. Another category of qualified prospects would include people or organizations that might not see their need for what you sell unless you can arrange to meet with them and show how your product can positively impact them. Once you’re talking with this type of qualified prospect, introducing scarcity might be enough to get them off the fence to make a decision. In the Principles of Persuasion workshop I emphasize this point – scarcity is best used to motivate behavior. If you’ve already established some relationship and the prospect isn’t unsure about what to do – they’re just not making a decision – then scarcity can be just the thing to get them over the hump. However, just indiscriminately telling people they’ll lose something by not acting when they could care less about what you’re offering is a recipe for failure in sales. Here’s my sales advice – really get to know your current and prospective clients. Understand their business and their needs so you can match your product offering accordingly. Once you’ve done that, when you have genuine scarcity make sure you introduce it during the sales process because that might be just the thing that helps you make the sale.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world. Next up is Hoh Kim talking about Authority on April 17.