A few months ago I had the pleasure of addressing nearly three dozen lawyers. I know some of you are thinking “pleasure” and “lawyers” don’t always go hand in hand. However, in this case it really was a pleasure because the topic was a one-hour overview of influence for legal professionals. It was my first time talking with attorneys and it was much different, and a bit more challenging, than working with supervisors, managers and salespeople.A bit of irony is one description used to define the principles of influence. They’re often referred to as proven rules or laws governing human behavior. Personally I shy away from calling them laws (even though I was talking to lawyers) because when I think about laws, such as the law of gravity, they describe phenomenon that will happen each and every time unless an outside force intercedes in some way.The principles of influence will not get a yes response each and every time, even in the sterile environment of a campus laboratory. It becomes more problematic in the real world because of the myriad of outside forces. With that in mind, when I talk with audiences I generally tell them the principles are proven rules for human behavior. I emphasize if they’re used ethically and correctly they will lead to yes responses more often. I’m confident of that because more than six decades of research from social psychologists and behavioral economists proves this. We could call the principles “brain rules” because they describe how people typically think and behave in different situations.As noted above, the attorney crowd was challenging. They asked very pointed questions about using liking with juries, admitting weakness in a case, looking for common ground with opposing attorneys and even how the principles work when raising kids.At one point during my talk I described the principle of scarcity – we value things more when they’re rare or diminishing. Then I segued into a concept known as “loss aversion.” Loss aversion labels the truth that people hate to lose and when we think we’re going to lose we take steps to avoid that. If you’re a football fan think about the “prevent defense.” When a team gets up on the opposing team and time is winding down quite often the team in the lead changes what they’re doing because the thought isn’t about winning as much as it is about not losing. All too often the team playing from behind throws caution to the wind, gambles and ends up winning. It’s quite frustrating for the fans of the team that used the prevent defense and that’s why so many joke about how it prevents your team from winning!Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky studied loss aversion and came to the conclusion that most people feel the pain of loss anywhere from 2.0-2.5 times more than the joy of gaining the very same thing. This is probably why the sting of a loss in a big game stays with us so much longer than the joy we feel when our team wins the big game.After my presentation a few attorneys came up to talk with me and one of them shared something profound. He said he rarely thinks back on cases he won but he dwells on the ones he loses. Could it be that’s why we learn so much in defeat as opposed to victory?I often tell salespeople whether you win the sale or lose it you should learn from the experience. If you win, what did you do that you can replicate into future success? When you lose, analyze what you could have done better then look for ways to change going forward. Victory is usually celebrated with little reflection and losses are replayed over and over in our minds. It’s just how we’re wired. But, the best athletes work on doing things right and commit as much of their game to “muscle memory” as possible. They become so conditioned through practice that they barely have to think in order to execute properly during their chosen sport.We can learn from the elite athletes. Next time you win – whether in business, sports, or life in general – discipline yourself to take time to figure out why and look for ways to build on that. The more you repeat winning behaviors the more like you are to repeat as a winner.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence OfficerinfluencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.