Rapport is without a doubt one of the most important aspects of Social Engineering.

So you may want to know how to build one.

I present you The Top 10 Techniques to Build Rapport with Anyone from a book you can find here, called “It’s Not All About Me“

 

Technique 1: Establishing Artificial Time Constraints

 

When you approach starngers in Starbucks and start a conversation they can feel a little awkward. That’s because the stranger doesn’t know when the conversation will end.

 

So to make it easier you can start your conversations with something like “I’m on my way out but before I left I wanted to ask you…”

This way everything will feel more at ease.

 

Technique 2: Accommodating Nonverbals

 

The majority of how people communicate is through body language. That means if you display threatening behavior people will not want to talk to you.

 

Your words and body language must be aligned and non-threatening. And if you smile it’s even better

 

Technique 3: Slower Rate of Speech

 

When individuals speak slowly and clearly, they tend to sound more credible than those who speak quickly.

You’ll also sound more confident so make sure to speak more slowly when interacting with other person.

 

Technique 4: Sympathy or Assistance Theme

 

“Have you ever felt a pang of guilt for turning down someone seeking help…….. Think for a moment about the times in your life when you have either sought assistance or been asked to provide it. When the request is simple, of limited duration, and non-threatening, we are more inclined to accommodate the request“

 

This is because in ancient times when everybody was in tribes. If you didn’t help others, they wouldn’t help you so you’d die. It’s the same today.

 

Technique 5: Ego Suspension

Eho Suspension means that when you’re arguing with somebody you say that they’re right even though you know they aren’t.

This can be hard to do, but it’s also really worthit because tgis technique is probably the most powerful of all ten.

So I encourage you to try it out and you’ll be amazed.

 

Technique 6: Validate Others

 

Everybody wants to be liked. And everybody is seeking approval others, and when you give it to them they’ll start to like you and will want to be around you to receive that approval.

 

Validation Technique 1: Listening

 

The easiest thing you can do is linsten to what the other person is saying. That may sound simple but it really isn’t. You need to REALLY listen and can’t think about anything else or the other person will sense that you’re not really listening.

 

Validation Technique 2: Thoughtfulness

 

“Thoughtfulness is probably the most commonly used of the validation techniques but in a limited manner. I want to emphasize it here because I have found through my practical application of these techniques, as well as study of personality types, that few people naturally use this to its fullest potential, and, most of the time, we don’t realize when it is being used; all we know is we really like the person who gives it“

 

Thoughtfulness simply means that you care about others well-being. For example asking “How are you doing“ etc.

 

Validation Technique 3: Validate Thoughts and Opinions

 

“Most human beings are very self-centered. We are biologically bred to be self-centered as a survival mechanism. That is why when in stressful survival type situations, our natural inclinations are to take care of our own safety first then the needs of others. That is also why when we witness what we consider heroic acts of others, we are recognizing how some individuals have defied their own genetics and biology and made a choice to put others’ needs and wants first. These are considered admirable qualities because they go against our innate egocentric survival mechanisms“

 

This is similar to Ego Suspension, you can’t correct a person if they say something you know is wrong. All human beings naturally make a connection with people who think like them. So if you seem to be like them they’ll want to be around you.

 

Technique 7: Ask… How? When? Why?

 

I think you already know what this is and how it works.

In a conversation asking people How? When? Why? signals that you care about them. These questions are also good when you don’t know what to say, you simply ask a question about something the other person said earlier. That way you never run out of things to say.

 

“One of the key concepts that every great interviewer or conversationalist knows is to ask open ended questions. Open ended questions are ones that don’t require a simple yes or no answer. They are generally questions that require more words and thought. Once the individual being targeted in the conversation supplies more words and thought, a great conversationalist will utilize the content given and continue to ask open ended questions about the same content“

 

Technique 8: Connect With Quid Pro 

 

This means that you give a little information about yourself in order to get information about the other person, or to open them up.

This technique is good with people who are very introverted or guarded but otherwise you won’t need to use it that much.

 

Technique 9: Gift Giving (Reciprocal Altruism)

 

“Most people would feel badly if they received a gift and forgot to say or send a thank you note to the giver.  When someone does you a favor you most likely want to reciprocate with gratitude. Great rapport builders and conversationalists use this desire proactively during every conversation. This technique, coupled with ego suspension, are the cornerstones for building great relationships. This is also the easiest technique to utilize, because gifts come in many forms, from non-material compliments, to tangible material gifts. Gift giving, or reciprocal altruism, is hardwired in our genetics“

 

Receiving a gift feels good doesn’t it, but you also feel bad if you don’t reciprocate and give a gift to the other person.

 

In caveman times when the hunters returned back to the tribe from hunting, they either shared the food or they didn’t. When they didn’t others wouldn’t share food with them, so if the next time they weren’t so successful or becae injured they’d die because nobody would help them.

 

Technique 10: Manage Expectations

 

“Every conversation or engagement with another human being has an agenda. Another definition of agenda might be objective or desired outcome.  Sometimes the agenda is to sell you a used car. Sometimes the agenda is to share a secret. Other times, it is simply to make another person feel better. Regardless of the situation, whether it is an altruistic intention or not, there is an agenda. The individuals in life that are able to either mask their agenda or shift the agenda to something altruistic will have great success at building rapport“

 

When you manage your expectations so that the conversation is for their benefit and not yours you’ll be at ease and not look sleazy. Which is great.

 

If you want to learn more about building rapport, be sure to read the book.

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