I just finished Einstein: His Life and Universe by Walter Issacson. Excellent book! Issacson also wrote another very interesting biography I read a few years ago, Steve Jobs. His book on Einstein was so well written and portrayed Einstein in such a way that I was sad at the end to read about his death because I felt like I was just getting to know him. We all have notions of Einstein from school, quotes we’ve read, movies we’ve seen and various other sources. Some of what we learned was true and much was fairy tale or at least exaggeration. What fascinated me about Einstein was how much of a rebel he was in his youth and how much he was willing to change as he got older when the facts warranted change.As we get older, change gets harder. In some sense we’ve honed what works for us and those patterns or habits – which include speech and thought – are no exception. We think what we think and do what we do because we believe it’s the right way or the best way given the situation. Dale Carnegie understood this and that’s why one of his tips from How to Win Friends and Influence Peopleencourages us to “show respect for the other person’s opinion and never say, ‘You’re wrong.’” Never forget, right or wrong, people have reasons for what they do.Beyond being stereotyped as “set in their ways” is there any proof that older people are more difficult to persuade? Actually there is. A study mentioned in Robert Cialdini’s Influence Science and Practice noted, “in a follow-up study employing subjects from ages 18 to 80, we found that preference for consistency increased with the years and that, once beyond the age of 50, our subjects displayed the strongest inclination of all to remain consistent with their earlier commitments (Brown, Asher, & Cialdini, 2005).”So as we age it’s natural to cling tightly to closely held beliefs, attitudes, values, and ways of doing things. As most of you reading this know, it can be darn hard to change someone’s mind, especially as they grow older.So what’s this have to do with our friend Albert Einstein? On one hand he seemed to cling stubbornly to his view of the universe and dismissed some newer science including quantum mechanics. Without going into detail on either issue, suffice it to say that despite lots of data on quantum mechanics, there were a few important questions Einstein could not reconcile in his head. Had someone been able to help him do that he might have changed his mind and abandoned his search for a unified theory.Being an analytic personality, Einstein would naturally cling to his beliefs because he so thoroughly thought them through. You’d need data to convince him AND you’d need to do so at the points that were of most concern to him. No scientist could convince him that we can never truly tell a particle’s exact position and momentum (a tenant of quantum mechanics). Scientists believe we can only guess at those two things but Einstein could not reconcile that in his mind so he held to his earlier beliefs about the universe.On the flip side there was something very dear to Einstein’s heart that he eventually did change his mind about. He was an ardent pacifist in his younger days and believed if people would refuse military service there would never be a need for military action by nations. His view on this was shaped by the horror of World War I and the unparalleled destruction it brought on the world at that time.Through the early 1930s he held onto this view. However, with the rise of Hitler and the Nazis in Germany he began to re-examine that view. While he never embraced war, he came to believe people should enlist to defend freedom. He was also instrumental in getting President Roosevelt to start exploring nuclear technology and was against unilateral disarmament towards the end of his life because of the imbalance of power it would cause.Why did he change? He was confronted with facts and the reality was the stakes were too high to be wrong. As you attempt to persuade people you’d do well to consider where they are in their life cycle. Teenagers and younger people have not developed the same groove older people have. It’s easier for them to experiment and quite often there is much less at stake for them in terms of loss should they make a mistake.However, as people get older and responsibilities increase, scarcity – the fear of loss – also plays into the equation too. Changing jobs when you have a family or child getting ready for college changes the equation for many people. The stakes are much higher for a wrong decision.Helping minimize fear of loss becomes very important, as does the ability to tie your request to consistency – what someone has said or done in the past, what they hold as far as values and beliefs. And when you try to tie into consistency make sure there’s not some other point that’s most important for the other person otherwise you’ll hear, “Yes, but…” That was Einstein’s retort to the physicists who pushed quantum mechanics.As is the case with sales, persuasion comes down to knowing your audience and their “hot buttons.” Once you know those two things, crafting you argument becomes much, much easier. Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.
Influencers from Around the World – Alex Ferguson’s Persuasion Secrets of Managing Manchester United
If you’ve followed Influence PEOPLE for any length of time then you’re familiar with Sean Patrick. You know Sean hails from Dublin, Ireland but what you may not realize is he’s moved to London. You can connect with Sean on LinkedIn or Twitter. Sean owns his own sales training and coaching company SPT (Sean Patrick Training), Ltd. I’m confident you’ll enjoy what Sean has to share this month.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.Alex Ferguson: Persuasion Secrets of Managing Manchester UnitedIn May 2013, Sir Alex Ferguson or SAF as he’s otherwise known as, stepped down as manager of Manchester United. He had just won his 13th Premiership title, the most successful and highly decorated manager in English football. This ended his 26th season in charge of one of the biggest sporting franchises in the world.During his time at Old Trafford he won 38 titles including two UEFA champions league trophies. Ferguson took control of the club at a time when player status was more important than winning titles, over the course of four seasons and under severe pressure to deliver, he transformed the club from the inside out. He employed countless talent scouts to find the best youth players at grassroots level and developed an academy that produced one of the most successful teams in English football history. Every season a major development was installed inside the club that cemented United’s ability to find and retain the best playing staff. Ferguson was well known for having his finger on the pulse in every area of the club. Only Matt Busby, a legendary former United manager had any such influence across the entire club. So how did he do it? Ferguson was well known for his ability to psychologically influence the players around him and rival managers. Ferguson believed that the key to success was to make sure that every player put in 100% during training. He never allowed a bad training session as this proved a player would find mediocrity acceptable, he knew bad habits form quickly. He ensured that every player who under-performed at half time became aware of their poor performances thus the legendary motivational skills reared itself in the dressing room.Former rival manager Jose Mourinho claimed Ferguson was the master of the ‘second game’, sing the media to motivate his team and to begin, as he put it, ‘to play the next game before it starts’.The club and everyone around him knew he was the authority figure. If a player tried to take over the dressing room or put in a poor performance he was either swiftly removed from the club or was given a severe face-to-face screaming which had become known as the hairdryer treatment. His authority was without question embedded into the organization. Over the course of his 26 season reign he made difficult choices and this came in the form of releasing established world class players such as Roy Keane, Jaap Stam and David Beckham to make room for untested younger players such as Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo who became medal winners at United.There was another side to Ferguson, he was liked and respected. He was treated respectfully by senior management and back-room support staff and reciprocated respect by demonstrating fairness and his ability to empathize. These skills were tested during the season of 1995-96 when maverick player Eric Cantona attacked an opposition supporter Kung-Fu style and consequently given a heavy suspension lasting several months. Over the course of this period, Ferguson mentally coached Cantona, firstly to retain his services and secondly to mentally motivate and prepare the player for his return. Subsequently, Cantona blossomed to become a model player and became club captain helping United secure more silverware.This method of psychologically preparing and motivating players culminated in United’s first UEFA Champions league title in 1999. They faced a tough fixture against Germany’s Bayern Munich. At half-time United were trailing, he reminded his players that if they lost the match they would not as much be allowed to touch the trophy, just amble past at a safe distance wearing their losers medal. One of the players later recalled that Ferguson’s inspirational speech turned fearful men into world-beaters. During that same season, United became the first side from a major league to win the treble of Champions league, English Premier league and League cup in a single season.Ferguson understood the importance being consistent. One of his key skills in improving the preparedness of his players was his use of story telling and being to talk to each player individually. He liked to change the themes of his team talks with regularity. “I once heard a coach start with ‘this must be the 1000th team talk I’ve had with you’ and saw a player quickly respond with ‘and I’ve slept through half of them!’ If a player was to sit out a game, he gave a personal and very frank conversation that conveyed empathy and instilled confidence in the player.Ferguson emphasized on the use of instilling confidence on the training pitch. “There is no room for criticism on the training field’. ‘There is nothing better than hearing ‘well-done.” SeanCialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.
Restricted Freedom and Persuading Others
Recently on a flight home from a training session I did what I normally do on a Southwest flight – I grabbed the first available aisle seat upon boarding. After I settled in, the flight attendant asked if I wanted to move back a row. She was in the emergency row and reminded me I could not recline my seat. I declined because I normally don’t recline my seat anyway.A few moments later I began to regret my decision because the thought crept in, “What if I want to recline?” Suddenly having my freedom restricted caused angst even though the restriction was on something I hardly ever do. Scarcity was at work on me! This principle of influence tells us we want things more as they become less available and it doesn’t just apply to goods and services; it applies to our freedom of choice.A good bit of scarcity’s work on our psyche has to do with not losing out on opportunities because that restricts our freedom. If you’ve raised kids undoubtedly you’ve seen this. Isn’t it the case that more often than not they want whatever they’re not supposed to touch, taste, smell, watch, listen to or play with?That doesn’t go away as adults. The moment someone tells us we can’t do something there’s a natural impulse that rises up in us, “Who are you to tell me I can’t…?”As persuaders, we’d do well to remember this because there are times when our well-intentioned communication backfires because our restrictions only make the other person want the restricted thing even more! There are times when we’d be better off taking a wait and see attitude rather than jumping in with a command – don’t, you can’t, you’d better not, etc.If you have to make such statements you’d do well to help the other person internalize why the restriction is actually in their best interest. This taps into the principle of consistency. People typically don’t resist their own beliefs, values and reasons, so helping them form those will go a long way toward them believing the restriction is actually good for them.Here is a very personal example. As a parent I believe it’s in my daughter Abigail’s best interest to abstain from sex for many reasons. But those are my reasons not hers and that means they might not last very long. When she was a freshman in high school she met a nice guy who was a senior and although they were not “boyfriend and girlfriend” they were more than just friends. A short time after going to college he said it would probably be best if they didn’t keep going like they were and Abigail was crushed. Perhaps you can remember the feeling from your first love.Sometime after that Abigail and I were driving somewhere and the subject of sex came up so I asked her, “Why do you think it’s wrong to have sex before marriage?” Right away she said, “Because the Bible says so.” So I asked, “Why do you think the Bible says so?” Immediately she replied, “Because God says so.” I probed more, “Why do you think God says so?” She was stumped so I asked, “Remember how bad you felt when he broke up with you? All you did was hold hands and have intimate conversations. How do you think you’d feel now if you’d given yourself to him?” I could see from the look on her face that she got it in the deepest part of her being.I went on to tell her when God, the Bible or her mom and I ask her to refrain from things it’s not because we don’t want her to have fun. On the contrary, we love her and want her to love life and enjoy it to the fullest! With more experience under our belts we know the pitfalls of the decisions many teenagers make. We talked more about sex, marriage and relationships and as we did so she was generating her own reasons for her behavior.Will she always do what her mom and I think is best or right? No, but then again, we’re not the final arbitrators on right and wrong, good and bad. And it’s been interesting to watch her grow up and make choices at her young age that are far better than we made at that age…and perhaps well into our 30s.So the takeaway for you is this – be careful about what you restrict and how you go about it. When you do have to make certain restrictions be sure to help the other person generate their own reasons because that will lead to better, longer lasting behavior.P.S. I wrote this during the flight home and not being able to recline was a non-issue.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”. Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.
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