Social Engineering Blogs

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Sometimes Similarities Mean More When it Comes to Persuasion

Imagine this scene on a busy street in New York City. Two guys are walking toward each other and the following ensues:Guy 1 – Hey man, I’m from New York! Are you?Guy 2 – F%#@ you buddy. I’m from Brooklyn!Trying to connect with someone based on what you have in common – similarities – is an effective way to engage the principleof liking … most of the time.All kidding aside, trying to connect with a New Yorker in the city over the fact that you’re a New Yorker too has little meaning. That’s so, because virtually everyone else on the street could say the same thing. There’s nothing unique or different about that to bond over. However, connecting over the fact that you’re both from NYC if you were somewhere else, say California, would mean something because it’s not likely too many others could say the same thing.This came to mind recently when I thought back to a time when Jane and I were in Boston. The year was 2004 and I’d qualified to run the Boston Marathon. Never having been to Boston we decided to fly in a few days early to enjoy the city and see the sites. One site we wanted to see was the bar Cheers, the location of the famous sitcom by the same name.As you might imagine, when we arrived the bar was packed with other curious tourists. In fact it was so crowded we couldn’t get a seat near the bar. After a short while Jane said to me, “I think those people are from Southwest Pennsylvania.” She could hear a couple talking and recognized the accent because that’s where she’s from originally.Shortly thereafter Jane said, “Excuse me. I wasn’t eavesdropping but are you from Southwest Pennsylvania?” They said they were and Jane proceeded to tell them she recognized their accent because she was from Waynesburg, Pa. A conversation ensued and soon we were sitting with this couple. If you didn’t know any better you’d have thought we knew each other and were good friends.As I shared at the beginning, trying to connect on the Southwest Pennsylvania similarity would not have meant much if Jane had brought it up in Southwest Pennsylvania. However, doing so in an unfamiliar environment magnifies similarities. Strangers in a strange city feel a sense of comfort meeting people they see as similar to themselves.What does this mean for you? To build or strengthen relationships you want to look for opportunities to connect using the principle of liking. Quite often you’ll find yourself in new or unfamiliar situations so connecting on similarities will be immensely helpful. Here are some tips:If you know some people who will be in attendance at an event you’re attending, Google them to learn about them in advance. Next, make it a point to connect on anything you have in common.If you don’t know who will be attending then you want to ask good questions and demonstrate active listening skills. Here are seven non-threating, ice-breaking inquiries you might want to use:What do you do for a living?Where are you from originally?Where did you go to school?Where do you live currently?Tell me about your family.What are some of your hobbies?What’s the most interesting place you’ve traveled to?Two things will happen when you ask these questions and actively listen. First, people appreciate the sincere interest and chance to talk about themselves. Second, you learn what you have in common and can then go deeper to form connections.Sometimes similarities mean more when it comes to persuasion. Recognizing that can help you magnify the liking principle which will help you build relationships and ultimately make it easier to hear “Yes” when you need someone to help you.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Beware the Lies, Damned Lies and Stats!

Facts, figures and statistics – we’re bombarded with them. We just came though another election and most of us were inundated with political ads. It’s amazing how two candidates can talk about the same facts in such different ways. Democrats touted lower unemployment and a rising stock market. Republicans debated the legitimacy of both claims when it came to helping people and the economy. Had the tables been turned and Republicans been in power they’d have bragged about the declining unemployment rate and all time highs in the stock market. And it’s very likely the Democrats would have debated those same facts.Another example; sometimes we hear that average household income is up. On the surface that’s good. However, if you dig a little deeper and realize the increase only went to a very few people at the top and that most people’s income was stagnant or lower, would it still be such a good thing? Not if you’re in the mass of people who are not benefitting.As noted earlier, the stock market is at an all-time high. Again, a good thing on the surface but if the growth in revenue and profits isn’t leading to job creation then are we (or at least the majority) really better off?I’ll never forget seeing the debate over a potential increase in the state tax for Illinois. One group said it was a 66% increase and another group said it was a 2% increase. And both were right. The state tax was 3% and the proposed increase to 5% was raising it two percentage points but people would pay 66% more in state income tax compared to what they’d pay without the increase.I hope you can see statistics can be used to portray whatever someone wants you to believe. I won’t say it’s unethical because in each instance facts are being shared but the vantage point can make all the difference. Two homes could look out over the same land but can have very different views depending on where each home sits. And so it is with stats.Mark Twain once said there were lies, damned lies and statistics. His point was simply this; sometimes facts and figures can be used to justify the position of the person communicating. As noted earlier, all you need to do is listen to politicians from opposite sides of the aisle to realize this. They may talk about the very same issue and you’d think they were from different planets. You’ll get some very diverse viewpoints if you scan CNN, MSNBC and Fox.What does this mean for you? Simple; don’t take everyone or everything at face value. Ask questions, dig a little deeper into the claims being made, occasionally play devil’s advocate. In doing so you’ll give yourself a fuller picture and better opportunity to make the best decision possible.Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Free is Great Except When We Don’t Want What’s Being Offered

Normally people go nuts for free stuff. It seems like ads touting “Buy one get one free,” or “25% more for free” cause shoppers to almost salivate. I bet you’ve been places where things were being given away for free and you found yourself taking items (pens, card holders, travel mugs, post it notes, etc.) that ended up in the trashcan within weeks of getting home. And still, we take the goods because they’re free. After all, you can’t loose by taking advantage of free…or can you?Have you ever ordered something on Amazon for less than $25 then found yourself ordering another book or item just to bump you over the threshold in order to take advantage of the free shipping? I bet you have and you probably ended up spending $33-$38 in total. Sure, you convinced yourself you needed that extra book or CD but in reality you would not have purchased it were it not for the enticement of the free shipping. Dan Ariely highlights our obsession with “free” things in his book Predictably Irrationalin a chapter he calls “The Cost of Zero Cost: Why We Often Pay Too Much When We Pay Nothing.” He convincingly shows readers sometimes they end up worse off because of free.The obsession with free has its limits and this came to light recently with Apple’s promotion with the Irish rock band U2. It seemed innocent enough, and generous of Apple and U2, to have the band’s latest album, Songs of Innocence, automatically added to the iTunes library of some 500 million people. Unfortunately for both, many subscribers didn’t appreciate the free album and voiced their opinion rather loudly on social media. In fact, there was an article titled Free U2 album: How the most generous giveaway in music history turned PR disaster. Ouch!I think what was missed by Apple and U2 in their well-intentioned giveaway was this – free isn’t really free if it’s not freely chosen. While there may have been no purchase cost for the album, people lost their freedom to choose whether or not they wanted to add it to their libraries. In other words, forced isn’t free no matter how good the intention.What should they have done instead? In my opinion offering the album for free for a limited time would have enticed many people to take advantage of the giveaway. Think about it; U2 is an iconic band that’s done a lot of good for people across the globe through charitable work that could only have come about because of their fans. They could have positioned the opportunity for the free album as their way of saying thanks. I’m sure each band member is probably set for life financially so they don’t need the money and could have really made a splash.By putting a timeframe on it they would have engaged the principle scarcity, which would have caused many people to want the album even more and act quickly. This is important because when things are free and abundant we usually don’t value them nearly as much as when they are restricted in some way. Think about air and water. Without air we die within minutes and without water we won’t survive for very long either. There may not be two things more necessary for life and yet they are an afterthought for most people…until they’re in short supply. When that happens we’d pay more for either than just about anything else in the world because our lives might be at stake.I don’t think Apple or U2 deserved the intense backlash they got but let it be a lesson to all of us – no matter how beloved we, our company, our products/services, may be, never infringe on people’s freedom to choose. Understanding that and correctly positioning a gift could make all the difference in how it’s received and how we’re perceived. Brian Ahearn, CMCT® Chief Influence Officer influencePEOPLE Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.