The 10 Cognitive Distortions
This is part two of an article on Cognitive Distortions, and part of the course Good Thinking. To read part one, click here.
“Depression is not an emotional disorder at all! How you feel is of no more causal relevance [to depression] than a runny nose is [to having a cold]. Every bad feeling is the result of your distorted negative thinking… Intense negative thinking always accompanies a depressive episode, or any painful emotion for that matter.”
– David D. Burns, M.D., Feeling Good, p.28
Remember: Thoughts are never wrong – they are either helpful or unhelpful. Don’t shame yourself for thinking negatively, but become aware of the fact that problems can be viewed differently, in a way that is more helpful to you and contributes to finding a solution!
Contents
Six: Magnification and Minimization
Seven: Emotional Reasoning
Eight: ‘Should‘ Statements
Nine: Labeling and Mislabeling
Ten: Personalization
Recap
Six: Magnification and Minimization
The Problem
Whenever something negative happens, you tend to blow it out of proportion, causing a minuscule upset to have an explosive fall-out. Whenever something positive happens, you shrink it down until it’s nigh on invisible and you inadvertently step on it.
Also known as the ‘binocular trick,’ magnification causes you to look at your own errors, fears or shortcomings through the end of the binoculars and exaggerate their importance, incorrectly judging them as irreparably damaging. For example, you accidentally stumble over your words during a presentation at work, and think, ‘How could I make such a terrible mistake, my reputation is surely ruined now!’
Turning over those binoculars, minimization causes you to devalue your good qualities and achievements and see them as less of a concern when evaluating your own efforts.
You catastrophize by seeing negative experiences as a disaster, and categorizing positive experiences as meaningless. And as you focus on your imperfections and make them larger, and lose sight of your own good points, you’re guaranteed to feel worthless, incompetent and inferior.
The Solution
Put down your goggles! It’s no wonder your outlook is gloomy when you zoom in on the shadows but forget to scope out the colorful things that cast them!
The problem here isn’t you – it’s your narrowed perspective!
The good things are not inconsequential, and they are far more numerous than you think. You stumbled over a word or two, sure, but you worded a thousand more with perfect elocution and delivery. Yes, you might have been nervous for a bit – but you were charismatic and warm every other bit. Your wording might have been a bit silly that time, but that only helps reinforces your expertise in the eyes of your audience with every other line that went swimmingly.
However bad some things were, even they are positive – by becoming aware of them, you helped yourself improve. Not only can you take these examples of bad behavior and learn from them, but knowing your weakness helps you emphasize your strengths.
Example N.C.: ‘I can’t believe I stepped on her foot just now. I am a horrible dancer. How am I ever going to pick up a girl at bar when I can’t even do this one thing right?’
Example P.C.: ‘Oops, I guess I’m not that good a dancer yet. At least we have something to smile about. Besides, what I lack in technique I make up for in style and enthusiasm. And if dancing isn’t for me – who cares? She might be better at dancing, but I sure play a mean game of pool.’
Seven: Emotional Reasoning
The Problem
This is one of the most common cognitive distortions we experience in our day-to-day thinking, and when emotional reasoning is underlying our negative cognitions, they become some of the hardest to convince ourselves are actually unhelpful and unfounded. When reasoning emotionally, you use your current emotional state as justification for how you’re feeling. Sounds circular? That’s because it is.
We’ve all had this next situation happen to us at least once in our lives. Imagine this: You wake up in the morning with a particularly bad mood. One of your best friends comes over, and somewhere along the course of the day they do something that ends up annoying or deeply upsetting you, but you’re not sure why. You end up lashing out and the situation escalates. You both end up throwing around a number of accusations, “Well you started it by…” followed by “no, you started it by …,” and as they end up leaving you both refuse to apologize.
In your head your thoughts churn and churn, and you become convinced that your friend must have done something to upset you – why else would you be upset? You repeat the accusations over and over again, and you become entirely convinced they were at least partially to blame.
A few days later, you admit you both made mistakes, and you apologize.
But why were you mad in the first place? And why couldn’t you just explain that at the start, talk it out, and be done with it right then and there?
You believe that because you were mad, you had reason to be. B ut the truth is, your emotions reflect your thoughts and beliefs, so this is misleading – your emotions will have no validity at all if your thoughts are distorted. Look at the following N.C.’s:
‘I feel guilty, therefore I must have done something wrong.’
‘I feel overwhelmed and hopeless, therefore I can’t do anything to fix this situation.’
I feel inadequate, which means I must be a failure.’
‘I’m not in the mood to do anything, and this means I am depressed and it would be useless to do anything.’
‘I’m mad at you, and that proves you’ve done something wrong.’
In each of these situations, you are using your own emotions as evidence for how bad things are. And, because things feel so negative, you assume they truly are.
The Solution
You have to understand that all emotions have thoughts underlying them. For instance, thinking ‘I was horrible company’ causes you to feel sad and worthless. So first, find out which thought underlies your current emotion.
If your answer to the question ‘Why am I feeling worthless?’ is ‘Obviously, I did something that shows I’m inadequate,’ and your answer to the question ‘Why do I think I did something wrong?’ is ‘Because I feel worthless,’ then you are being completely irrational. You are trapped in a circle where your emotions justify your thoughts and your thoughts justify your emotions, while neither have any basis in reality.
If you cannot pin-point a specific instance that makes you feel like you’re worthless, then you have no reason to assume that you are worthless. In other words, tell yourself: “I’m worthless? Prove it.” And like with any argument, your own saying “Well, I must be.” is not an argument at all.
When you accept as your only justification for your emotions the fact that you’re having them, you will never find a way to stop feeling those emotions. Challenge the validity of the perceptions that create your feelings, and find out what the real reason is behind those feelings – if there even is one.
Emotional reasoning plays a role in nearly all your depressive and unhelpful thoughts. Realize that emotions are first and foremost an effect, not a cause.
Example N.C.: ”I am lazy. I can’t get anything done. The fact that I’m sitting here procrastinating instead of doing something proves it.”
Example P.C.: ”I am only feeling lazy because I’m not doing something. As soon as I start doing something, it’ll be clear that I’m not lazy at all.”
Eight: ‘Should’ Statements
The Problem
We have a tendency to obligate ourselves and our reality to be a certain way – more often than not, a different way than they currently are. ‘I should do this, I must do that, this should’ve gone differently.’ When you want so dearly for things to be different, especially when they are things you have no control over, or things that are bound to not meet your expectations at some point, you end up making yourself feel pressured and resentful.
When you feel that things shouldn’t just be different, but you see no way to change the situation nor how you feel about it, you wind up feeling apathetic and unmotivated. Telling yourself you need to be better in some way, or be a different person than you are (causing your ideal self to be incongruent with your real self), creates feelings of worthlessness, misery and self-loathing or self-pity. Directing those ‘ should’ statements at others, and you will feel inevitably feel frustrated, unappreciated or powerless.
‘He shouldn’t be so rude or egotistical. He should be prompt. He should be appreciative.’
In expecting a person to not be rude, you get aggravated. In expecting him to be prompt, you get agitated or impatient. In expecting a ‘thank you’ for your hard work, you can only ever be let down when people act indifferent towards or are inattentive of what you’ve done for them.
The Solution
Stop expecting! Stop dreaming! Stop looking to the future or looking back on the past! Stop trying to change the present! Stop wishing any of these things to be different, and accept them as your reality – because they are. You can work to change something without feeling like it must change. You can work to change yourself without hammering on about your own flaws. You can not change the past, only whether or not you choose to accept what happened or learn from it. You cannot predict the future, so you can only put in your best effort to get the result you want – but when doing so, enjoy the process, not the goal, because you won’t always reach your goals! And when you do find out those goals are unreachable, accept that fact and change your dreams rather than lingering in a fantastical image that you know won’t come your reality. Dream on, but dream of something else.
Eliminate should and must and need from your vocabulary, and replace it with want and desire. You don’t need to do something, you want to do something. Something shouldn’t be a certain way, but you’d prefer it to be so.
Your shoulds and shouldn’ts create self-loathing, shame, guilt. You’ll feel bitter and self-righteous if others fall short of your ideal and expectations. So, change those expectations to be realistic or always feel let down. That’s the choice you have. Recognize this bad habit of thinking in should statements, and write down everything you think would be better if it were different, in a way that replaces the shoulds and musts and replace them with wants and coulds. Rethink them into P.C.’s that don’t require those wishes to be fulfilled. There are no genies, and wishing for something to be one way or another and expecting it to become true is belief magic, not realism.
Remember that without stress you are much more capable of motivating yourself to change something. Without expectation, you cannot be disappointed, only be pleasantly surprised or relieved when something does work out. So, start accepting what is and change only what you can, starting with the way you feel about it. Let everything outside of your control be none of your business, because it really is.
Example N.C.: ‘I should be more confident and charismatic. Nobody will like me if I’m not. And come to think, why don’t they like me? I’m a nice person. They should like me the way I am.’
Example P.C.: ‘I can become more confident and charismatic only with a healthier mindset and experience. If they don’t like me, that’s fine, there are plenty of people who do, and more and more will like me the more I keep working on improving.’
Nine: Labeling and Mislabeling
The Problem
Labeling and mislabeling are an extreme form of overgeneralization. Concluding that someone (including you) acted in a bad way, you conclude that they are bad people for precisely that reason. A partner to the Fundamental Attribution Error, you conclude that what happened is not a part of circumstance and an isolated event, but representative of that person’s fundamental nature.
Completely negative self-images, and completely negative images of others (as is the case with stereotypes), are built on the idea that things happen because that person is the type of person those things happen to, or that a person does these things because they are the type of people that do those things. When labeling yourself, you conclude that since you did a bad thing, you are thus a bad person. When having an unproductive day, you conclude that you must be a lazy person. When being cheated on repeatedly by several significant others, you conclude you are a worthless individual that doesn’t deserve a person for yourself. Other such labels are ‘I am a failure’ when really you just made a mistake, or thinking ‘I’m a born loser’ when really you were just having a bad day.
Labeling yourself is not only self-defeating, it is irrational. Your self is not a fixed, singular thing, that cannot be changed or improved. Your personality cannot be equated with any one thing you do. You are a complex and everchanging flow of thoughts, emotions and actions. As Burns says, ‘You are a river, not a statue.’ You eb and flow, and you can change your course if a path is blocked. A few loose rocks here and there won’t stop you from reaching the sea. When you label yourself, you instead build a solid dam, stopping the flow of the river, stopping you in your tracks.
Mislabeling describes events that are both inaccurate and emotionally heavily loaded. ‘I am a complete and total failure,’ ‘John is an incorrigible ass,’ and so on. These words accompany thoughts that in turn lead to self-defeating behavior that mirrors that extreme level of emotion.
Notable examples of this type of mislabeling are stereotypes, which follow the same pattern of behavior. A foreigner (pick any appropriate demographic for your region) takes your purse, and you conclude ‘foreigners are rotten criminals, all of them.’ This in turn causes you to try and avoid (communicating with) foreigners, giving you no option to see how wrong that mislabeling is, or make your behavior unintentionally combative and confrontational, which leads to negative interactions that confirm your suspicion (‘all foreigners are rude and antisocial’), when really your own pre-programmed behavior caused those interactions to be negative in the first place – a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The Solution
Break those dams! Negative labels are overly simplistic – they are wrong, and you should not believe them. Making a mistake now and then is not only natural, but an integral part of learning. Learning through failure is surefire way to progress, and accepting past failures an incentive to work towards change change. Temporary failure is not permanent reality, and your own temporary behaviors do not decide your personality.
You are not a dishwasher because you wash your dishes, you are not a bather because you bath, and you are not a failure because you fail. Stop defining yourself by momentary things and swim with the current instead of drowning yourself.
And it isn’t just you who is an ever-changing and dynamic amalgamation of actions, intentions beliefs. So is everyone else! When labeling others in that way, you will invariably generate tension, and hostility. Your occasionally pestering brother becomes ‘an arrogant prick,’ your best friend who tends to poke fun of you for things you do is suddenly an ‘insensitive asshole.’ In turn, your response behavior might get you labeled as ‘an irritable bitch.’ This escalates, and continues as you focus in on each other’s weaknesses or imperfections as proof of the other person’s worthlessness.
So instead, view those negative experiences as isolated events and not permanent reality or fixed personality. Categorizing is an effective way of processing information quickly, but when you categorically categorize those experiences in a negative way, you are damning yourself and your reality to perpetually be negative and stressful. This is not only irrational and unfair to yourself and others, but it’s absolutely destructive. So instead, try labeling positive experiences as a given, and view negative experiences as the exception.
N.C.: ‘I didn’t do any work for school today. I am going to fail, and I deserve that, because it’s part of what I am: a giant failure.’
P.C.: ‘I did plenty of work in the past year, and even if I am lagging behind a bit now, I should be proud for being aware of that and wanting it to change. A desire to change is a good first step on the road to self-improvement.’
Ten: Personalization
The Problem
The mother of all guilt. You assume responsibility for a negative event even when there is no basis for doing so. Conclude that what happened was your fault, or reflects an inadequacy on your part (like not being likable). However, you are not responsible for what happened, so what gives? When your best friend doesn’t want to stop dating a guy you know to be bad, you might think ‘It’s my responsibility to make sure she gets away from that guy.’ In extremer cases, you might see an elderly woman drop her groceries on the street, but as you rush to help her, another person is already on the scene. You might feel rguilt for not having been there in time, convinced it’s your job to cure the world of all bad things that happen – which is both irrational and entirely self-defeating. You become the world’s caretaker, attempting to literally carry it on your shoulders. With that much responsibility, no wonder you feel bad!
The Solution
Personalization makes you feel crippling guilt. It’s a paralyzing sense of responsibility, where you confuse your influence with total control – you can influence people, and influence situations, but you are not all-powerful, even if at times you wish you were. You can never live up to that level of responsibility, so stop trying to – it’ll make you miserable! Try to overcome this tendency to personalize and see everything directly or indirectly as your fault. Trim it down to manageable, realistic and healthy proportions!
N.C.: ‘Everyone is upset with me today. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong, but I’m sure it’s happening for a reason. If they are agitated just from talking to me, how bad does that make me?’
P.C.: ‘My colleagues are a bit stressed out today. That’s understandable, it’s a monday after all. And with that deadline coming up, I’m sure they’re too moody to realize what they’re doing. I’ll mention it some other time, and if by then they’re still moody, who cares? There are plenty of people that don’t project their own negativity on others.’
Recap
6. Magnification and Minimization: Overvaluing the negative traits and behaviors your have, and simultaneously minimizing the good traits and behaviors. This causes your self-image to be overly negative, and ends up making you feel worthless and incompetent, diminishing your own desire and ability to fix those perceived wrongs.
Correct this distortion by affirming the positive and diverting attention away from the negative. There are at least equal parts good to every bad situation or person. Additionally, there is no one fixed image of who a person is, and by focusing and strengthening on your more positive aspects, you can work towards becoming the person you want to be, rather than lamenting the person you think you are.
7. Emotional Reasoning: Using your own emotions as justification for feelings those emotions, even when there is no apparent external cause to point to. You believe that because you’re feeling a certain way, there must be a reason why you are feeling that way. Because you feel so negative, you assume that your current situation or your experience must be equally bad.
Correct this distortion by challenging the validity of your emotions. If you cannot point to the specific instance, situation or behavior that makes you feel so negative, there is no way to resolve those emotions. Challenge the validity of these emotions and find the underlying cause, and as soon as you find out what the real reason behind them is – if there is one -, work to resolve that issue. Either way, understand that there is no rational reason to hold on to these emotions, as they can only ever be a source of pain.
8. ‘Should‘ Statements: Incorrectly expecting that just because a change is wanted, it should also become your reality. You have no control over what has happened in the past, you cannot reliably predict what is in the future, and you do not have full control or command over what is happening in the now.
Correct this distortion by replacing all shoulds with wants. Your past is as it is, so accept it for what it is and only work to change how you feel about it. If you want the present to change, then work towards that change to the best of your ability, but don’t expect it to change. If you want something to happen in the future, then do what you can in the present to affect the future, but again, don’t expect all your dreams to come true. You can’t always get what you want, and if your dreams don’t end up as they seemed, dream on, but dream differently.
9. Labeling and Mislabeling: Mistaking situational behavior for fundamental qualities or personality, assuming that what someone does or thinks is who that person is. Not only is this irrational because all people make mistakes often and behave differently from usual for a number of reasons, but also because a person is an ever-changing and not one fixed entity that is incapable of changing or improving.
Correct this distortion by isolating individual behaviors and not falsely inferring from them or overgeneralizing them. A person is not his actions, and even when a negative behavior reflects what a person is thinking at that time, it does not predict how they will or want to behave, both at that time or in the future.
10. Personalization: Assuming responsibility for a negative experience even when there is no basis for doing so. They erroneously conclude that what happened was their fault, or reflects an inadequacy on their part. It is a distortion because only circumstances or behaviors can be problematic, never a person. More generally, personalization implies believing yourself to be a burden on others.
Correct this distortion by realizing it isn’t all on you – or all about you, for that matter! You are not the world’s caretaker, nor can you expect yourself to be responsible or at fault for everything wrong within it. Think realistically and healthy by tackling the parts that you can influence – but never assume you have control over them.