Chapter 8: The Nonverbal Side of Elicitation
Chapter 8 opens with Robert Dreeke’s ‘Top Ten Principles for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone,’ which he has listed once before in this book. They are:
1. Artificial time constraints.
2. Accommodating non-verbals.
3. Slower rate of speech.
4. Sympathy and assistance themes.
5. Ego suspension.
6. Validation.
7. Ask how, when, why questions.
8. Quid pro quo.
9. Reciprocal altruism.
10. Manage expectations.
For more information, I recommend Googling ‘Robert Dreeke 10 Principles Building Rapport.’
Though I haven’t yet fully read Robert Dreek’s ‘Not All About “Me,”‘ I do feel that this list is missing some key rapport building techniques, most notably ‘Mirroring,’ where you mirror the targets gestures, stance and manner of speech.
Hadnagy then lists a few questions that typically go through the head of someone being approached:
– “Who is this?”
– “What does he want?”
– “Is he a threat?”
– “How long will he be a part of my life?”
He then goes down Dreek’s list point by point, explaining how they each answer one or more of those questions. Though interesting, it’s nothing you wouldn’t find by Googling those principles – and again, could have been shorter.
Finally, we get to the eyebrows, the last part of the body that wasn’t specifically covered yet, and how they are used to communicate conversational signals.
Take Hadnagy’s advice and learn all about them by just noticing the eyebrows as you see people talking, and as you are talking to people. Replicate the expression you’d make under the circumstances of disbelief, astonishment, skepticism, and notice the situations where you’d make use of a head nod and head bobbling. Practice using them more frequently to show you’re engaged in the conversation.
Chapter 9: Putting It All Together:
This chapter shows two things very clearly:
1) This book never gets around to becoming a proper learning experience. It falls short of whatever its intended goal is.
2) Hadnagy is a true inspiration and it is no surprise why he is still a hero of mine, and a shining example of what I hope I can someday be.
It is so clear that this book, and his previous, and Social Engineering as an art and a science, is so deeply personal to Hadnagy. I don’t think anyone can quite say they have the passion and knowledge and presence that Hadnagy has in this field. To me, he is the lifeblood of Social Engineering.
He has such an obvious concern for the well-being of not only his clients, but his readership, and people in general. He is not only one of the best, if not the best social engineer, but deeply and profoundly moral as well.
He and I agree that intent, not method, decides morality. What he understands better than anyone, however, is that education and then action is the fix for most, if not all the dark that we humans create. Knowledge, and the motivation to use that knowledge.
Hadnagy often states, and now is no exception, that your goal should be to ‘Have them feel better for having met you,’ with which I couldn’t agree more.
His other advice includes using skilled and experienced ‘training partners’ when learning Social Engineering ‘self-defense,’ which is generally good advice, and he advises us to practice (perfectly) often, until all of it becomes second nature, or at least intuitive to some degree.
Lastly, in conclusion of his book, he asks of us all that we learn and teach to think critically about all information, not just some. Explore and test your realities and their limits, including everything you take for granted on a daily basis, like a woman in orange work uniform asking you if you ‘are willing to donate to ‘charity x’.’
If by any chance Hadnagy should ever read this, and not be discouraged or dissuaded from reading to this point, I would like to thank him, from the bottom of my heart, for the knowledge and inspiration he has given me over the years.
Without him, none of what I do would be possible. And without doing what I do, I wouldn’t have been where or who I am. And, I hope to have done him proud in some way, even if he vehemently disagrees with every single point I’ve raised. Even if I’ve made some ludicrous assertions, or some glaring errors, or just generally have not thought everything through quite as well as I thought.
I hope he can appreciate this for what it is: my own personal excursion of critical thought, and my own testing of limits and the status quo.
Continue Reading – [011] Conclusion